When I wrote a blog entry on arranged marriage few months back, I was sure that there will be a sequel to it. That’s why I named it as ‘Arranged Marriage-I’. So on the lines of hindi films, I can say I did a lot of research before writing its sequel and blah blah blah... Jokes apart…In past few months I have seen my friends getting associated with this process called arranged marriage (AM). We had some interesting conversations, brainstorming sessions which has made me to gather those thoughts and write them down in this blog.
Over the period of time, the role of a girl in this AM process has evolved from shy, non-demanding, compromising to the one we call as independent, bold, smart, choosy girl of today. It doesn’t mean that girls weren’t smart previously. But they surely had less choice then. Today Indian girl understands the importance of being financially independent. She is often termed as careerist woman. Kind of life style we are adopting demands double earning. She knows this very well and that’s why she is securing her future first and thinking twice before choosing her life partner. I know the story is not same in all the strata of Indian society. But I am looking at those girls who have opted for professional studies and are perusing challenging careers. In short the change has begun.
I remember one of my blog-buddy wrote in his comments on AM-I blog that AM is as good as job search, because we tend to carry a requirement list to which we keep on referring when it comes to final decision. And there is nothing wrong in it. When you are going to spend life with a person to whom you have not known before, you have to carry a list of criteria on the basis of which you will form your opinion. This list of criteria is different for different people. Having looked at the lists of different people, we can say, it consists of parameters like good looks, nice pay package, stable job. Then guys looks for girls who are homely, who can adjust with their families, n with qualification less than or equal to theirs. Girls look for guys with self owned house, understanding, qualification greater or equal to theirs. Though we say we are advancing in this AM process, some things never change. For example, height, salary and if possible qualification has to be greater/higher for boys as compared to girls. And I don’t see it changing in future too. But there are things beyond these material things. Boys as well as girls should look for 4 C’s: Click, Common, Comfort and Connect.
Two people who want to spend life together, given the fact they do not know each other, are meeting for the first time. Both of them carry their respective ‘lists of criteria’. Both of them have that curiosity to know each other, that hurry to check if the other person fits the bill, and that effort to look cool and comfortable even if they are not. The conversation starts after the exchange of greetings. And things should click right at this moment. Its difficult to define ‘click’. But we can define it as a moment of realization when we can confidently say, “that’s what I am looking for”. Then there has to be some things in common between two people. Now there is no optimal value defined for it. But both of them should have some common interests, common likes-dislikes. In the first meeting one can look for these two C’s.
Based on this one can decide for subsequent meetings, because though not impossible but it is difficult to know a person in a single meeting. I really see those people in high regards who claim that they judge a person in few minutes. In subsequent meetings, the boy and girl should look for the comfort level. How openly you can share thoughts with the other person decides the comfort level. The comfort level gives the sense of security. And it encourages you to open up a bit more. Ultimately, revealing your true selves to each other to some extent, starts building the trust. And then comes the ‘connect’. Knowing each other’s strong and weak points, sharing past experiences, comfortable exchange of thoughts makes u realize if there is any ‘connect’ between you. ‘I want to say something but not able to put it in words. Still he understands what I want to say. I get the intended meaning when he simply smiles on my question. He shares his office problem with me and I solve it as if its mine. I don’t mind if he wants to keep quite or stay alone for a while.’ Then there is connect between the two. You are ready to accept the other person with the things you like as well as dislike if you feel that connect with the other person.
There is no technical reason why one should look for these 4 C’s. But these might just help in taking that one time decision. After all it’s a question of spending life with someone. So any amount of thinking will not be adequate enough.
Not long ago I was thinking that AM is very complex thing and I would never understand it n all. But now, after putting in some thoughts I think I have changed my opinion. Previously if someone would have asked me a question: ‘what would you like to prefer? Love marriage or Arranged marriage?’ I would have said love marriage. But now I think AM is not that bad. Careful thinking is required in both of them. So I think I am indifferent between them now.
