Solitude

I always used to see this word as one fancy term…A term which describes loneliness in rather fashionable manner. But that was only till the time I came across its real meaning. I started coming across instances which made this word even clearer and dearer to me. So here I am, sharing my perceptions and definitions of the word ‘Solitude’…

When you are in a mood to share something with your friends/family/colleagues…you start telling them enthusiastically only to realize that they are too busy to lend a ear…and you stop abruptly…you suddenly feel alone…that’s solitude.

When you get some good news about a friend and you feel that every friend of yours should know this to share your joy. You call up each one of them share that news only to know that they already knew it and did not tell you assuming you must be knowing it… that disappointment is solitude.

Its 8 pm and you are still in your office. Yes there is a lot of work. But it can be done the next day also. Still even after everybody has left, you are sitting alone in your office looking for more work…Amidst the empty cubicles you trying to burry yourself in work…that’s solitude.

Playing in sea…all your friends are enjoying it to the fullest. You drift away and watch them from a distance…as if you are not one of them…And drifting away looks like a preferable option to you. That craving to become invisible is solitude.

When you get plenty of time to think all by yourself and recollect all happy and sad times and you come up with different definitions of trivial words like solitude…believe me…its solitude.

I think everyone experiences the solitude at some point in life. Though it comes across as a gloomy and endless state, it’s unavoidable and at times it’s not that bad. For me, the feeling has a silver line as it just made me realize that I want to have someone, who is truly mine in life…seems only then I’ll stop finding new definitions of solitude.

25 Things I keep in my mind…

Every year this time around I indulge myself in memories. I can’t term it as introspection as such. Because it’s not about analyzing my deeds but I spend some time in recollecting some good as well as some not so good memories. And every year outcomes or I should say flow of outcome surprises me. Memories, things associated with them are almost same. But every year my point of view about them changes. And I keep learning something new out of them. I take forward those things as carried forward balance and try to amortize loss making propositions. (Blame it on the finance manager in me) Here I am trying to put forward 25 such things in no particular order. Why 25? Well… you can say I like that number :D

1. Use words carefully… they do wonders if used properly. And they can cost you big if you neglect their power.
2. Respect your professors… even if you don’t understand what your professor is teaching, don’t think that the professor doesn’t know how to teach. Patient listening of what he is trying to say will fetch you something or other.
3. Be on time… I know it doesn’t fit into our famous concept of Indian Standard Time. But it’s something which pleases the person you are meeting. One who respects time is respected by time.
4. Happiness and sorrows cannot be compared... Only because they cannot be measured. So there is nothing like “‘I am happier than you.” Or “My worries are more than yours” etc.
5. Understand your parents’ point of view… parents are protective about us. Try to slip in their shoes to understand why.
6. Keep quite when you lose temper… that saves you from hurting people around you by your words.
7. If something really bad is happening then stay assured that something really good is in making.
8. Sincere efforts can move the heaviest rock...There is nothing in this world which cannot be conquered with the help of sincere efforts.
9. Keep updating yourself with the things happening around you. It helps you in staying connected with the world.
10. Value every relationship in life...May it be personal or professional.
11. Don’t expect anything from friends and family... Unfulfilled expectations add bitterness to the relation.
12. Cherish the taste of food you eat. Feel it before you eat it. The fragrance you smell, the color you see and the taste you savor make the dish ever so special and leaves you satisfied after eating.
13. Ego and self-esteem are two different things... Ego hurts others and Self-esteem protects you from getting hurt by others.
14. Go an extra mile when you want to do something for your loved ones... That shows your level of affection towards them.
15. Know your audience...Not only while doing a presentation but also while sharing your thoughts and emotions.
16. Admire the beauty of nature... It makes you understand the depth of beauty in simplicity.
17. When you feel like giving up start working double harder...That’s what I have learnt from my IT professor. It helped a lot in every tough situation.
18. Know when to stop...Sometimes letting go is the necessity of an hour.
19. Never break anybody’s trust...It’s a kind of offense which can never be forgiven or forgotten.
20. Don’t judge people especially if you yourself don’t like to get judged.
21. Value your ethics... Stick to them even when giving up them seems an attractive option. It helps you standing tall when everything else falls apart.
22. No two people are same... So things which are applicable to one person may not suit the other person at all.
23. Listen to your friends in their down times... Even if you can’t help them in any other way, this can still be a great help.
24. Try to be perfect in everything in you do. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of perfection.
25. In company of friends don’t think about staying alone. And while you are alone don’t think that I should have got my friends with me now. Live more in every moment.

Thank you Mr. Modi

We often say that in India Cricket is not a game but it’s a religion of almost every Indian। There are other games too. But cricket has a quality to appeal masses and classes at the same time. Thanks to some of the greatest name in Indian cricket, parents have started seeing a budding Sachin, Saurav or Rahul in their kids. Such is the charisma of cricket in India.

The game has evolved over the period of time। From test cricket to one day cricket and now to 20-20 cricket… It seems like cricket is getting customized as per the needs of the viewers. It sounds like cola drink available in 1.5 lit, 500 ml and 200 ml bottles. All quench the same thirst. So in the market conditions where the supply would never be able to suffice the demand for the entertainment via cricket, Mr. Lalit Modi’s brainchild IPL came as a best selling product. BCCI being the richest sport’s governing body left no stone unturned for adding few more zeroes after one in their account. IPL gained a lot of fame and money as well in its 1st season. With some film star franchisees owning the teams, more glamour got added in the already glamorous game of cricket. The concept was indeed criticized for commercializing every aspect of the game. Some of the incidents like Kingfisher chief sacking RCB coach Venkatesh Prasad left a bitter taste in mouth of game supporters. Such incidents proved that business houses or film stars own teams to make money. They are not there for the love of game but all that matters to them is business. Heftily paid cricketers are bound to give good performance because at the end of the day, it’s all about money. What came in as a good part (which I doubt was the intention of the concept) was the exposure to local talent. India is full of cricket talents and everybody can’t make it to top 11 to play for India. So tournament like IPL provided them with the opportunity and people came to know about some young guns like Abhishek Nayar, Swapnil Asnodkar, and Manpreet Goni who outperformed some of the foreign players. So with all such pros and cons IPL indeed proved to be a profitable proposition and people actually started awaiting this year’s game.

BUT…this year’s IPL will remain in the memories of all cricket fans for some wrong reasons. First and foremost being venue shifting outside India. Was that really needed? Mr. Modi, Commissioner of IPL was unable to shift dates of matches. And Government of India was unable to provide full protection sighting the reason of general elections being held in the same period. So the home minister asked Mr. Modi to shift dates of matches in May to which Mr. Modi opposed saying it would result in losses to the sponsors. Was it really a reason or it was merely an EGO issue? I wonder if Mr. Modi did some scenario planning while fixing the dates. Few simple questions would throw some lights on this issue.

1. The sponsors such as Aircel, DLF, Vodafone, and Hero Honda are targeting which customer segment? Indian or foreign?
2. What is the forecast for footfall at the stadium for the matches if held in India and what it is if matches are held outside India? Was weather taken into the consideration?
3. What about the job opportunities and business opportunities which could have been created if IPL would have taken place in India?
4. Wouldn’t IPL have resulted in building better sports facilities with the help of investments from franchisees?
5. Are the franchisees happy with this whole new expensive shifting? Are the players happy? What about the players who were sent back under the name of cost cutting?
6. Does Mr. Modi really care what picture he is creating about India when he brags about how successfully he has managed to shift IPL to South Africa?

We all know answers to these questions, Don’t we?

Every project comes with a backup plan. It has to. That’s why we do scenario planning. But the biggest and one of the costliest projects doesn’t seem to have one such back plan. It’s the flexibility in the plan which assures success with minimum loss. So when Mr. Modi says that we cannot schedule IPL after general election, it doesn’t go down well with me.

IPL in May would have resulted in fewer cancellations. We wouldn’t have to settle with 10 over game because of rain. If shifting of dates would have caused losses to sponsors then aren’t the play cancellations causing losses? What about the very concept of IPL of playing at home venue and away venue? There is nothing like home team getting more support and thus the advantage. It seems Mr. Modi has agreed to alter the concept but not the ego.

Today when we see matches on our television, we do see South African fans turning up for matches and Mr. Modi and the franchisees (especially the Bollywood lot) getting overwhelmed by the response they are getting in foreign land. But do we feel the same? A Mumbai Indians match in a packed Mumbai stadium with crowd screaming “Surya….Surya” for Sanath Jaysurya, would have been a better sight to watch anytime. At the end of the day it’s the game of cricket which should remain unbeaten. No politics, no ego issues should hamper the game. We will enjoy matches on TV, we will scream and clap at home but we will be missing something for sure. And we should all thank Mr. Modi for missing that ‘something’.

So, thank you Mr. Modi.

When Friends Take Backseat...

Well…copyrights of this sentence belong to my very dear friend’s hubby. When we met for the first time we had this interesting discussion about how their life would change after marriage. That time he said this line that friends will take backseat in future and later it remained in my memory forever.

Somehow I couldn’t digest this friends and backseat funda. It disturbed me for sure. It surely came across as a bitter truth. May be because it was hard for me to imagine myself getting decoupled from my dear friends’ lives and it was even harder to imagine my life with my friends taking backseat. We keep saying that we can chose friends but we cannot chose relatives. Then why do we take this chosen relation for granted? We seldom think before imposing expectations on friendship. We don’t take pain to be vocal about our expectations thinking that friends will understand. And in many of the cases they do. But somehow it weakens the ties of friendship.

It is quite natural. When we see our friends getting into a relationship, initially we make sure that we are there for them. We make sure that we help them out in decision making process so that they can choose the best for themselves. But once everything settles down we start assuming that we should better step back. To a certain extent it is right because we would certainly want our dear friend to have some beautiful moments with the special person in his/her life. We assure ourselves that they can take care of their problems and we start maintaining a distance. This too is acceptable. But we need to decide upon this definition of distance. Can we go that far from where we won’t even come to know if our friend needs us or not? No, we can’t. As much as we understand that we can’t interfere in our friend’s personal life after a certain point, we also need to understand we cannot subtract ourselves from their lives. That ‘special someone’ and a friend need to coexist. None of them can replace each other.

Now when I look back and recollect that line, I feel that now I have understood it correctly. I can see a dear friend driving a car with me sitting on a front seat. Both of us are enjoying our journey. Later his/her special someone joins us on that ride and I take a backseat. But it doesn’t bother me because I haven’t left my friend midway in that journey. If at all my friend needs me I’m just sitting behind. I’m not interfering till the time ride is smooth but if he/she messes around with the controls then I won’t hesitate to offer a helping hand without their permission. Backseat or front seat…all I have to do is to be there for my friend in this long journey called life.

Its Not Safe Anymore...

Both the groups were standing at two ends of road facing each other. In between them it was no man’s land. Some vehicles were parked on that road. And within a moment it started. Both the groups were pelting stones at each other. Later stones were accompanied by soda bottles. To make the matter worse petrol bombs came into the picture. 10-12 policemen were certainly not enough to handle the situation. One of them fired in air. For a moment everything came to rest. And it started all over again. This time one group started chasing other. That group destroyed the vehicles parked on the road by breaking its wind shields. Police intervened. But nothing helped. The other group came forward and ignited the already destroyed vehicles. Some of them broke into a laundry and set it on fire. In response to that the previous group set a bakery on fire. This was no less than a movie scene. I wish it could have been a movie scene.

This is the first hand account of things happened on 17th march 2009. It was kind of action replay of events which took place on 29th September 2008. I am talking about the riots which took place in rabodi area in Thane. All I could do was to watch these things happening right outside my colony with terrified eyes. The main gate was locked. Someone climbed the gate and threw a petrol bomb inside the compound. And I thought that’s it. Now the entire mob will barge into the colony and my mind couldn’t dare to imagine what would have followed. Luckily that ‘someone’ changed his mind and ran away.

These riots took place between so called hindu and muslim groups. But who had to pay for it? Answer is common man. Both the groups were fighting without any objective. All they had was a provocation by some political leaders. The reason I said that common man had to pay because I saw both the groups damaging the same vehicles without knowing if those vehicles belonged to hindus or muslims. One broke the windshields and then other group ignited them.

Now when I am looking at the same road, I can see it getting cleaned. There is hardly any vehicle passing on the same road. So things have settled down to some extent. But I wonder how long things will remain calm. With elections around the corner, picture may get uglier. Police will surely arrest few people but ‘political pressure’ will play its role and the culprits will be free very soon. That way neither politicians nor the culprits will have to lose anything. If anyone has to lose something then it’s the people like us who will lose peace of mind. If we decide to leave this area then our flats won’t have the same price now. So we’ll have to settle for lesser prices that way making it difficult to buy another house in a safer area. All I can see is tough times ahead…

At Pit Stop...

Hushhh….The qualifying sessions are over. It was quite strenuous. I am not at the starting grid though. I am somewhere towards the end. Why? Well, every question should have an answer. Engine is good. Wheels are fine. But track is bit slippery and full of turns. I fumbled on the turns. It wasn’t for the first time that I was driving on such tracks. But maybe I lost my focus. Maybe I didn’t. Sometimes you do everything right just to realize that something is going wrong. This was one of such times.

I saw others finding it easy to register shorter times on track. And was wondering why I’m taking so long? This thinking about problem must have caused me to lose my focus. Need to get rid of all such issues before the Race day.

Thinking about those races where people starting from the back of the grid emerged as winners. Those races are remembered as their success stories. So it’s not impossible to win the race even though you are not at the pole position. It will just be more difficult. And more challenging too. One who is at the pole position has the challenge to maintain his position, maintain the competitive advantage of starting ahead of everybody. And one who starts at the end has to overtake everybody ahead of him. Conditions don’t favor him. And he is not considered amongst the potential winners. This alleviates the pressure of expectations. One should use this in his favor. Yes…I will use it in my favor.

Tomorrow, on Race day, I am going to go easy on some things. All I am going to do is to drive smartly. It doesn’t matter whom I am overtaking. All that matters is that I am moving ahead. I don’t have any point to prove to anyone. All I have is confidence that I can win.

I am at the pit stop looking at my car…the same one with which I have won races in the past. Just now my car got refueled. It got checked for all possible faults. It is looking as eager and confident as me. Both of us are ready to hit the track tomorrow. There is almost no one in the pit lane except us. I am listening to the roaring engines in the silence around me and my eyes are glued to the images of finish line and the chequered flag.

Receiver

There are three types of people in this world… transmitter, receiver and transceiver.

Transmitter always passes on the processed signal. It doesn’t have inbuilt feature of receiving any data.

Receiver keeps receiving data endlessly. Till the time it breaks down. But it does so without any complaint.

Transceivers are the lucky ones. They transmit as well as receive. They have receiver when they want to transmit and they receive when other transmitter transmits data towards them.

Poor receivers…cant transmit what they have. And transmitter never knows if receiver wants to say something. I wish every receiver gets a transceiver and not the transmitter in life…so that it redesigns itself to become another transceiver.

And may they live happily ever after.

(A noise signal from a true telecom engineer's mind)

How I Wish !!!

Sometimes you know that this is not going to last longer. It will end soon. Still when you realize that it has ended, you wish if it could have continued a bit longer…
How many times in life do we come across such situations?

A picnic with friends…Organized hustle bustle… You don’t fall short of topics to discuss… and the picnic comes to an end.

Sitting alone at a sea shore…looking at the horizon…the sun is about to set…you listen to the music of tides…like nature presents the best audio-visual on stage… and you realize…its time.

A morning in December… alarm rings…you put it on snooze… blanket seems extra warm… mom calls to wake you up…and you wish if you could have slept longer.

In the walk of life you meet someone… become friends…walk with them for some time…only to know that you have to part ways…if not now then sooner… And you wish...

Nothing is immortal…Everything comes to an end…we accept the situation and move on… What accompany us are the immortal things called memories…sweet and sour…yet near to heart…

A friend of mine rightly says… “Memories from past…Forever they do last.”

Things we learn...

A man remains student for his entire life. And it’s very very true. Almost every moment in our life we learn one thing or other. Sometimes we don’t realize what we have learnt a moment before but some amount of learning goes into our brains. With plenty of free time in hand and mind working at the optimum speed I’m trying to revisit some of these learning moments.
It must have happened with you all too. When you badly want something to happen, it may not just happen that way. It often happens with me. And I say that God must have turned on the inverter circuit before accepting input from me.

What I have learnt: Be careful while asking for something to happen. You never know when the inverter is on. So play safe.

Sometimes you just wish something and you may not expect it to happen…but it happens. (Inverter is off. Or the wish is as minute as noise signal to go unprocessed through inverter.)
What I have learnt: wishes may come true. So no harm in expecting something. If you are too confused whether to expect something to happen or not then leave it to god. He has designed the circuit. He knows it better which signal to process at what time.

We come across a trivial problem in life. It can be anything ranging from mistake in a mark sheet, boss taking credit for our work to not receiving calls/mails from friends. We may react in loud manner. Coz the problem is too small to look at and we link it to many different things and make it big and confusing. So we waste a lot of energy in understanding the problem, reacting over it and then leaving it unsolved.
What I have learnt: no need to put on the analytical thinking caps for trivial issues. Some things happen for no or negligible reasons. Why waste energy in finding the cause which seldom exists. Sometimes its better to ‘Let go’ and ‘Move on’.

Now comes the big problem. These are the problems to which we have seen people around us reacting in different normal manners. But when it takes place in our life we tend to react differently. This problem is too big to have standardized solution. It can be anything ranging from failures in studies, loss in business to failed relationship. When all others react to these problems in expected manner you may simply chose to react differently. Why? For no reason. Big problems may not move you as much as small problems. You remain calm and quiet, think about how to deal with it and start implementing the solution. It demands u to be more practical else you may end up being affected way too much with it.
What I have learnt: That’s the key to success. Be practical while solving big problems. Think wisely. If the problem is too big to have impact on your life you just can’t handle it carelessly. Being calm and composed is the demand of the situation. These are the situations where we learn maximum from our mistakes. If we don’t then we keep repeating the mistakes and landing in trouble. So take a deep breath and conquer the problem.

At the end of the day we know that we keep asking for something or other to God which may not get fulfilled. We wish for something and it may just come true. We make fuss of small problems. And we may remain unperturbed in a big problem. But what matters is what we learn from all these situations.

It’s human to do mistakes. You learn a lot from them. And if you don’t then you keep committing them again and again.

Does it actually matter what people think of you?

Does it actually matter what people think of you? If yes then to whom does it matter and to whom it does not? How does it affect your life? Reading ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey. And it gave rise to the above mentioned questions.

Human mind has this ability to make a convenient choice from the available options. That’s why multiple choice questions seem easier to solve. The point here is that we have this tendency to perceive the behavior of a person in every possible manner. These perceptions become options. And then we conveniently chose one of those options as the behavior of the other person. We label the person as smart, intelligent, sincere, mature, preacher, sentimental, bold, shy, introvert, outgoing etc. The list is non-exhaustive. But are we supposed to do so? You would say what’s the harm in perceiving or interpreting the behavior of a person? No harm. But then keep some space to accommodate the unknown side too. As I mentioned in my blog ‘Faces’ there is always an unknown side of the person. May be good may be bad. But it surely completes the picture of a person in our mind. And that forms the whole perception. Whatever we perceive of a person doesn’t form the true picture always. But we seldom keep that in mind. We trust our judgments and feel that our reasoning skills are strong enough to read the most complex creation of the God. We impose that judgment on our relations and the result is as expected: a strained relationship. Remedy on the problem: Don’t be judgmental especially when you don’t like others to be judgmental about you.

Now the question is ‘does it actually matter what judgments people draw about you?’ It depends upon person and to what stage he belongs. Our journey of life goes through three phases i.e. dependence, independence and interdependence*.Those who are emotionally dependent get affected by what people think about them. They see themselves from other’s point of view. So if the other person thinks they are immature they feel they are immature. They seldom fight with the opinion formed about them by others. On the other hand emotionally independent people don’t get affected by what others think of them. These are the people who know themselves well and don’t require others to certify their behavior. In interdependence stage, independent people accomodate the opinions of others to go ahead with ‘we’ attitude.

So, the moral of the story is if you are dependent then start your journey towards becoming independent and eventually becoming interdependent. People come in our lives and part their ways after some time. The one who is there with you from start to end is ‘you’. Only you can form judgments about you and nobody else. So think twice before forming judgments about others. Or else you may simply lose the opportunity to see the real person.

*-The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen

Faces

A Month Ago:

I like him. Not so long did I realize this. After a lot of thinking I finally came to know that I like him. Do I love him? Not yet sure. But he has got all those qualities which make me say it aloud that “Yes…He is the one.” And does he know about this? No. Not yet. Let me be very very sure about my own feelings then only I’ll let him know. Boy this is so amazing!!! It’s like a dream.
It was just few days back when we met last. I could sense what he was trying to tell. I was listening to those unspoken words. The other day I saw his eyes searching for someone. I bet that ‘someone’ was me. How sweet! And the very next day he called…due to some work. But still…The point is: ‘he called’. These and many other actions of his have formed his picture perfect image in my mind. But then I have a friend who is not fond of him. She keeps on saying ill things about him. And I feel how wrong she is. Because I am damn sure the he can’t be wrong. I feel she just don’t want to change her opinion about him. I hope she will understand him one day. That day she will come to know why I like him so much.

Right Now:

Think rationally. What was going on in my mind when I was taking out those convenient meanings from his behavior? Why didn’t I take pain to see his other side? Or I never wanted to see it? Yes. It’s harsh but true. In last few days I saw him as an entirely different person. Not the one, who fits in my ‘picture perfect image’. Last time we met, he simply looked through me. Am I non existent for him? And I recollected some more instances when same thing happened. Now I am applying logic to whatever has happened in last whole year. And it makes sense. He always had this other side which I completely overlooked. There are different facets hidden in this side. Some might be good some might be bad. Point is I just couldn’t realize that there can be another face too.
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This happens. And there is nothing wrong in it. We are all rational human beings who have the ability to think wisely. But sometimes which chose to think in a manner which we want to. It can be as illogical as possible. And it’s not a crime as long it doesn’t hurt anyone mentally or physically. It shouldn’t hurt us too for that matter. We can commit a mistake in reading a person. I know it sounds cliché but there is a difference between knowing a person and understanding a person. To know a person, exposure to a single face is enough. But to understand a person you need to know every possible face of his/her. And that’s the most difficult thing. Human is the most complex creation of the God. And to read this complex creation is almost an impossible task. Still we can give a try. We may never get to see every face of a person. But we can surely see different faces of different people.

This concept of two faces applies to us also. Every person has some qualities which are known to him and some qualities which are known to others. There is this famous concept of Johari Window. Here we have a window with two axes viz. ‘Known to self’ and ‘known to others’ on which our behavior is plotted. This window is divided into 4 quadrants starting from top left and going anticlockwise: Arena, Hidden, Dark Area and Blind Spots.

Arena: known to self and known to others
Hidden: known to self and not known to others
Dark Area: not known to self and not known to others
Blind spot: not known to self but known to others

One should try to maximize arena by minimizing other three areas. If we can relate it with whatever has been written above, we can say that larger the Arena less will be the number of faces. Or should I say more subtle will be the other faces. You may say in the context given above how can this Johari window help us to understand a person we want to get along with? Obviously one can’t make other person fill questionnaires to understand that person. But by playing with such tools, we ourselves can understand different facets of human mind. And we can get some insight of working of human mind. Who knows? It may just help while forming judgments about other person.

Is It That Tough To Say No???

Sometimes I think what is more difficult? Saying ‘No’ or taking a ‘No’? I think both are equally difficult. It may depend upon the situation. But most of the times both the things are difficult to do. Let me take some real life examples so that I can elaborate on this point.

Let’s say, you have to form a team of 5 for a particular project assigned by our faculty/boss. And you have more than 5 friends/ colleagues to choose from. Then how to say ‘No’ to others after choosing 5? Will they ever understand why did you say no? I think they will if they have faced similar situation before.

You are in an auto at a traffic signal waiting for it to turn green. A beggar approaches you and asks for some money. You don’t feel like giving him money. And you start thinking how to say no.

Weekday afternoon…door bell rings…you open the door. A girl standing in front of you tells you that she is a student and she needs to sell this product by direct marketing. You feel like buying that product but not ready to spare Rs.200-300…how to say no?

A friend of friend of friend of friend sends you a friends request on orkut. You don’t know this person and you want to say no. But confused…whether to say or not to say no?

You go for shopping. You select few outfits. Shopkeeper shows you few more outfits. And insists that you should buy them. It would be a gr8 deal. It’s hard to say no.

Your friends have a superb plan for weekend. You want to join them. But you can’t, due to some reasons. They want you to come. And its damn difficult to say no.

These were some of the examples of external emotional dissonance. As far as internal emotional dissonance is concerned consider situations like saying no to a yummy chocolate cake remembering your weighing machine showing unpleasant numbers or refraining yourself from seeing a India Vs Pakistan cricket match/ Man U Vs Arsenal / Wimbledon Final because you have to get up early next day. I remember having read somewhere…saying no is key to success. Because by saying no, we gain control over our mind. And mind control is the best tool for excellent decision making.

Now consider situations where you have to take a ‘No’…

A day to day life situation…You ask auto driver, “ Station chaloge?” and you get a obvious answer …NO. How do you feel after listening that No? Miffed? Kind of…
You ask a bus conductor…”ye bus powai jayega?” He says No even though that bus goes via powai. You feel .

You go to your boss and ask him if you can leave early that day. And he says No. again difficult to digest.

You like someone. You gather all your courage and ask that ‘someone’ if you two have a future together. That ‘someone’ says No. You feel devastated.

Getting answer as No is painful because one never expects any negative thing to happen. Taking a No is as good as defeat for those who have high self esteem. Sometimes this resistance to No can be so strong that it may result in any adverse reaction as in case of one sided affairs.

Looking at all these aspects I feel, in order to live a peaceful life one should learn to say and accept a No. For me saying no has now become easier. I hope with time taking no will also become easier.

So what is more painful for you? To say ‘No’ or to take ‘No’?

Gifts

Its my childhood friend’s birthday. We know each other for past 13 years. We have met each other almost on every birthday. But still when it comes to birthday gift, I am always confused. I take a long time to decide what to gift. Not only in her case but in everybody’s case. Should I buy this one or that one? What did I gift last time? Is this useful? I can’t find a thing which is useful in day-to-day life. Should I go for a show-piece? Or should I buy a cake? Phew… the list of questions in my mind is endless.

Gift is not just a thing. And gifting is not just a formality or ritual. A lot of emotions are linked with it. Only thing which you expect after handing over the gift to your dear one is smile. So when you wrap a gift, you actually wrap your love, care, affection, blessings, and regards with it. That’s why gift has to be well-chosen. It can be as expensive as diamond ring or it can be simple lines straight from your heart. Gifts never have any price tag. They are priceless. In fact emotions attached with them are priceless.

While writing all this, I’m recollecting gifts which I got on my birthdays, special occasions…gifts I gave to my near & dear ones…gifts which other people gave to each other. A swinger, my mom gifted to me on passing 1st std exam with highest marks in school, a hundred rupee note which my grandpa gave me on passing SSC exam, a handmade book-greeting with cartoons of my friends in it, a Marathi card by my non-Marathi friend, a pen by a friend to give grades not less than A- to my students, a ganapati idol by my senior colleague when she got transferred to other team…

These all were simple things. But these things have a lot of value. Sometimes only the expressions n emotions of my family n friends served as a gift for me. The overwhelming joy on my parent’s faces when they came to know about my admission to MBA, presence of my friends on my birthday just to make me feel that I’m not alone, faith they have shown in me in my tough time, blessings of my teachers, good wishes of my colleagues, smile on my bro’s face on liking a shirt gifted by me to him, tears in my best friend’s eyes on reading my letter to her on her birthday … all these things can not be quantified.

All I can say is that, gifts or these expressions are just the ways to assure your dear ones that you are there for them. Gifts form memories. Sweet memories…which can be cherished for life time.

We often say we are gifted with wonderful people in our lives. I wonder how difficult it must have been for god to choose these gifts for us.

Rickshaw

Any weekday morning…
Time: 8.00- 9.30 am
Place: outside my colony…

Scene: 10-12 office going people, getting late for office… standing away from each other at different strategic places (nakas)… desperately waiting for an auto… one auto comes…
everybody: “ rickshaw…auto”
autowala goes wrrrummm…
ppl waiting for auto: “ye rickshaw wale bhi na…ek time pe milta nahi…ab mera train chhut jayega.."
people start walking towards station which is 3-4 km away…in hope of getting a bus or rick or a lift…
I am also one of these frustrated people. Suddenly from nowhere a rick comes..I manage to get hold of it…
I ask “station?” …Reply “nahi”…again I ask “cidco?” reply “nahi”…”kopri? (Station east)” reply “nahi”… with frustrated yet very cold face I ask in my normal voice “ to bhaisaab aap kaha jayenge? Mujhe batao , mai bich me kahi utar jaungi.jarurat to hum logoko hai.. aap to bahut upkar kar rahe hai hume aapki ki rickshaw me bithake…” dunno how, but feeling bit ashamed of this reality he agrees to drop me near station. I thank god for making that rickshaw-wala to stop near me and for making me to keep cool…

Everyday same thing happens at various places in thane with some changes here and there. Anytime, any moment you ask them for a place and most of them will straight away reject your request. I think one should keep the actual place on 2nd rank in their list n should ask abt any random place first. Because probability of rejection is 0.95.

Rickshaw…the inseparable part of my life. Staying at a place outside the city for past 11 years has made me to depend upon these ricks n rickshaw-walas. In my bro’s words “thanyatil rickshaw chalak-malak sanghatanechi mi aajanm sabhasad aahe” (lifetime member of rick union)

In this span of 11 years I have came across thousands of auto-drivers…everyone is different from another. Of course I don’t remember each one of them by face. But somehow if I sit in one rick more than once, then I do realize that I have traveled using this rick before. Though I don’t search for any special things in rick, but usually a photo, a saying, a different shaped mirror catches my attention. I remember, I used to go to ram maruti road for tution when I was in 9th std…that time I managed to get a particular auto 2-3 times in a single week…that auto driver never talked with me..then I forgot abt that person… after that almost 6 yrs later, one morning I got the same auto.. I cudnt recognize that driver… when I was getting down, he asked me “ tai aata ram maruti roadla nahi jaat ? aadhi tumhi tithe classla jaychat na?” I was so surprised to know that the auto driver recognised me after 6 long years…I said “ ho. Tevha class la jayche.aata engineering karate.” He said “ chhan.khup mothya vha.” N then he disappeared in the traffic. I tried every bit to capture his face in my memory. N then told myself , next time I’ll meet the same person, I guess he’ll only ask me “tai engineering jhale ka?”

Now that I’m writing abt these ppl, so many things r coming in my mind. Had some very good experiences with them n some very bad too. sometimes had debates on rick rates, sometimes had discussions on various topics ranging from rains, municipality, politics to reservations, riots…some kept mum, some talked a lot…some were honest, some were cheaters…having both the parents working in RTO, I used to rattofy all the tariffs, n used to fight for every single extra rupee the driver used to demand…so many memories I have… but have to restrict myself. Else I can go on and on.. this topic as I said, is an inseparable part of my life…