Krishna Kaka-II

Some questions never come to your mind and one of those is ‘how does a man embracing death look like?’ Today I got the answer to this question which I never thought of. That person looks like Krishna kaka…Yes the same Krishna kaka about whom I wrote in my blog few months ago.

When Krishna kaka was diagnosed with cancer last year we all knew what was in store. But he decided to fight back. He has fought with this disease with utmost courage. But today he seemed vulnerable. His eyes have lost the shine which used to say a lot about his confidence. He is shifting his base to his native place where his wife is getting some job. He has accepted the fact that he is not going to live longer. In that case, his wife has to take care of household and their two children. This is one of those difficult moments when one has to choose between two equally important options. One option is to shift base to Kudal where his wife can start working. And the other is to stay in Mumbai for better treatment. He has chosen the 1st option which comes at the cost of his life. If he would have decided to stay in Mumbai for his treatment he would have foregone his family’s future financial security provisioning. And by choosing to shift to Kudal he has foregone his chances of living longer.

For the first time I feel like whatever I have learnt so far is so superficial. Having learnt about Game Theory (choosing the best possible option with minimum opportunity cost)in my favorite subject Economics, I always used to think if it applies in real life too…If everything comes with a ‘opportunity cost’(the cost of foregoing other option available). Now looking at Krishna kaka, I feel that the concept of opportunity cost couldn’t have been explained in a harder way than this.

If miracles do happen then I would like to see one in Krishna kaka’s case. But somewhere at the back of my mind I know that God is not going to fulfill this wish of mine…

When Friends Take Backseat...

Well…copyrights of this sentence belong to my very dear friend’s hubby. When we met for the first time we had this interesting discussion about how their life would change after marriage. That time he said this line that friends will take backseat in future and later it remained in my memory forever.

Somehow I couldn’t digest this friends and backseat funda. It disturbed me for sure. It surely came across as a bitter truth. May be because it was hard for me to imagine myself getting decoupled from my dear friends’ lives and it was even harder to imagine my life with my friends taking backseat. We keep saying that we can chose friends but we cannot chose relatives. Then why do we take this chosen relation for granted? We seldom think before imposing expectations on friendship. We don’t take pain to be vocal about our expectations thinking that friends will understand. And in many of the cases they do. But somehow it weakens the ties of friendship.

It is quite natural. When we see our friends getting into a relationship, initially we make sure that we are there for them. We make sure that we help them out in decision making process so that they can choose the best for themselves. But once everything settles down we start assuming that we should better step back. To a certain extent it is right because we would certainly want our dear friend to have some beautiful moments with the special person in his/her life. We assure ourselves that they can take care of their problems and we start maintaining a distance. This too is acceptable. But we need to decide upon this definition of distance. Can we go that far from where we won’t even come to know if our friend needs us or not? No, we can’t. As much as we understand that we can’t interfere in our friend’s personal life after a certain point, we also need to understand we cannot subtract ourselves from their lives. That ‘special someone’ and a friend need to coexist. None of them can replace each other.

Now when I look back and recollect that line, I feel that now I have understood it correctly. I can see a dear friend driving a car with me sitting on a front seat. Both of us are enjoying our journey. Later his/her special someone joins us on that ride and I take a backseat. But it doesn’t bother me because I haven’t left my friend midway in that journey. If at all my friend needs me I’m just sitting behind. I’m not interfering till the time ride is smooth but if he/she messes around with the controls then I won’t hesitate to offer a helping hand without their permission. Backseat or front seat…all I have to do is to be there for my friend in this long journey called life.

Krishna Kaka

This blog entry is dedicated to ‘Krishna Kaka’. And you will come to know ‘why’ very soon.

Krishna kaka is known to my family for past 9 years since he started working for a part time job in my dad’s office. Having native place in Konkan, he came to Mumbai in search of a job. Later he got a job of conductor in TMC on contract basis and he started working for part time in my dad’s office. Quite famous for his ever helpful nature he instantly created a place in everybody’s heart in office. Name any kind of work and Krishna Kaka is all set to do it…and that too without complaining. Never say no to anyone and help everyone who ever is in need. It may not be a financial help but when it comes to helping in wedding or pooja related chores or spending night in a hospital when someone is seriously ill, Krishna kaka is there for you. Name any wedding in Malwan and Krishna kaka, in some way or other, is related to bride or groom. Such an affectionate personality he is, who keeps making friends and no foes at all.

**~~**

It was a May afternoon. Krishna kaka came to our house to give some papers to dad. He was not feeling well for some days. Mom asked him about his treatment. He said that his lungs were filled with a fluid. And he had an appointment on the same day with doctor to remove that liquid from his lungs. Mom obviously scolded him for not taking proper rest. Working from morning to evening in dad’s office and then night shift in TMC was taking its toll on him. But he wasn’t very keen on slowing down. Having two children, one 5 year old and one 5 month old, he was not letting himself to fall short of any efforts to give them a good life. Mom n dad advised him to be more careful about health and then he went for his treatment.

**~~**

Almost 15 days later, he got admitted to Bombay hospital. Clearly things were not going well. Doctors said liquid formation in his lungs was because of tuberculosis (TB). That liquid was sent for further tests. And on that worst day we got news that liquid tested positive for Cancer. Krishna kaka was suffering from lung cancer and that too in advanced stage. For a moment my brain stopped working when I first heard this news. Lung cancer?? And that too without any smoking habits?? How is it possible? Can reports go wrong? And so on. Everyone who knew Krishna kaka was shattered to hear this. Doctor suggested rounds of chemotherapy. It wasn’t easy for his family as well. His wife being housewife was in no position to arrange for 2.5 to 3 lakh rupees for his treatment. When dad visited him in hospital he looked quite calm. He just told dad, “I know I am having cancer. But I want to live and I am going try very hard for it.” It was his goodwill which paid off at the time of crisis. His friends and colleagues in office helped generously to collect almost Rs.2.7 lakh for his treatment. While contributing, everyone wished that Krishna should get cured. And the treatment took off.

**~~**

It was my birthday. I got a call. Krishna kaka was on line from hospital. He wished me and gave his blessings. I didn’t know what to say. I just asked him to get well soon and come home so that we can celebrate together. And a thought struck my mind if I will keep getting his wishes and blessing on my next birthdays.

**~~**

A month later, one evening Krishna kaka came home. I was studying something when he came. I met him for the first time since he started his cancer treatment. Two chemoes were over. He was wearing a cap as he lost his hair during treatment. But he was having the same smile on his face which he always used to have before the illness. He was waiting for my dad to return home. And I was wondering what to say and how to say. I never found myself falling short of words while talking to him before. But that day I just couldn’t start. I asked, “How is treatment going on?” He said, “Everything going on well. Its little bit painful on the next day of treatment as chemo creates a lot of heat in the body. But it’s fine. I always knew it was not going to be easy. Doctors are thinking of removing a portion of lung. But with that it will be difficult for me to take up any hectic work. Still I am considering that surgery option if it is going to fetch me few more years of life.” I was awestruck to see how calmly he was telling all these things. He continued, “Initially even I felt sad thinking why me? I never had any bad habits like smoking. Not in my dreams I thought that I would suffer from cancer. Then why did it happen. But then I thought there is no point in thinking over it. All I know, is I have a family to support. They are dependent on me. And I can’t leave them midway in life. If at all I have to leave then it’s only after making proper provisions for them. And for that I need few more years of life. So I have decided…come what may be….I will fight back. I am not going to lose so easily.” I was speechless. He wasn’t taking any confidence boosting class for me. But at that moment I thought forget about those personality building books. Even without reading single book of those kinds, this man knew how to fight back and how to keep his morale high in such a bad time. Life is a harsh teacher and it taught him never to give up. I simply added, “Your goodwill is so strong that it will certainly pay off. People whom you have helped in your entire life will definitely pray to god to cure your illness. Just maintain this trust in God and more importantly trust in yourself. I am no one to tell you all this but today I learnt from you that if one can fight with death one can fight with any adverse thing in life and win it over.”

**~~**

Krishna kaka has now rejoined his part time job. He can’t exert himself much. But he keeps doing work as much as possible. Chemotherapy is stopped now. He is on a tablet course now. Doctors have said that his will power is working in his favor. Doctors from Tata hospital have said that lung surgery is not needed. The medicine course should help in suppressing the growth of cancer tissues.
His wife is taking care of his medicines, dosages. She knows that there is no certainty. But she has stood by his side in his war of life. His younger son is now 1 year old and is very happy to see his father around him more often. His elder daughter doesn’t pester him much with her questions as she knows that her dad needs to take rest when he comes home. Friends and relatives are also quite supportive and happy to see him back to work.

**~~**

In the beginning of this blog entry I said that there is a reason behind this entry. If you happen to read this quite lengthy blog and if you feel the same inspiration as I felt after talking to him then please do me a favor. Please pray for his longer life once. By good wishes, blessings, prayers if he can live longer then it will be of great help to him and me as well. Thanks.

Walking Down The Memory Lane...

Looking at the sky stretched over the sea
I went down the memories of you n me

The summer was never so colorful before
It was not just the summer but was something more

Closing my eyes I was listening to the sea
And you came nearby and stood just next to me

We met by chance and befriended by choice
We decided to walk together amidst the tidal noise

At times we talked at times we kept quite
The feeling of togetherness was just so right

We never walked hand in hand for the fact we always knew
The bond of friendship strengthened with time as the trust amongst us grew

But we never had a rule to be together every now and then
It acted as a breather when we parted our ways in those few moments of pain

It took me a moment to realize that you were no more around
I looked at the sky and smiled back at God for the beautiful memories I found

Now that I am looking at the sky stretched over the cool blue sea
It just reminds me of that walk on the shore, with you walking besides me

Some Fond Memories...

Ek tha engineering college, tha Somaiya jiska naam,
Hasi-khushi padhna yahi tha waha ke students ka kaam.

Wahi ki EXTC branch me padhte the ye namune sabhi
Dhyanse suniyega sab, kahani to shuru hui hai abhi-abhi.

Mai aur Sarika 1st benchpe baitha karte the
Hamare alawa sirf Neeta Suman lectures ko suna karte the

Jaha fan ki hawa pahuche Rekha-Dipti waha baitha karte the
Chahe dus baje ho ya baara, lecture ke bich bindhast khaya karte the.

Unke piche baithke Ami-Shalu n Averil SM ko saha karti thi
Ami-Shalu likhneme to Averil sochneme dang raha karti thi

Lecture me professor aaye ya na aaye, Arun jarur aata tha
D’mello ka to aadha waqt library mehi jata tha

Ek that Shot Shanker jo apnihi (GRE ki) duniya me rahta tha
Ek tha Chatu jo har baat ko haste hue kahta tha

Kaustubh n Mani KR ke lecture me kabhi dhyanhi nahi de paye the
Par WN me highest marks inhi donoke aaye the

SM ke lecture me Pandene sincerely sums kiye the
Lekin SM ne term work me use marks kam diye the

Dombivali me rahke bhi Akshay waqt se pehle aata tha
Aur dombivali me rahke Vijay shayad hi 9.30 se pehle pahuch pata tha

Har DCOM practs me Venky naye puzzles diya karta tha
Har din ke last lecture me Nadu ek apple khaya karta tha

Submission karib aate hi assignments badha karte the
Us tension me Ram ke gaane saath diya karte the

Koi ek like assignment to copy sab log kiya karte the
Koi ek ho present to bhi proxies se column bhara karte the

Beet gaye wo pyare din, sirf yaadoka silsila rah gaya
Chaha to tha waqt ko thame rakhna,
par wo to haatose paani ki tarah bah gaya

Alag ho chuki hi raahe par dosti abhi bhi barkarar hai,
Yaad karenge wo yaade jis din milenge hum…
Ab to hume sirf us din ka intejar hai…

-shubhada

Yaari Dosti...

Watching ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ and thinking about my FRIENDS. Looking back at the journey of life I am recollecting some moments when I met my friends. And thinking how my perception for friendship has changed over the time.

In kindergarten I used to think that everyone who cries when I start crying is my friend. Then as years passed, I started thinking that my classmates with whom I go to school, play and spend most of my time with are my friends. I still remember I was in 2nd standard when I first called my friend on her landline number. And I told my mom “look even I have a friend whom I can call on her number.” Later as days passed I started looking at my friends as safe lockers in which I can keep ‘secrets’. And with this came the expectations… Expectations of guarding the secrets… Expectations of keeping the trust. In school days when competition started becoming stiffer, friends gave some lighter moments. With them I started sharing my success and failures. With this came the emotional attachment. I lost touch with many of my schoolmates later. And few of them I am still in touch are my dear friends now.

Later in college days, I met people having similar goals, objectives and I realized that it is easier to get the comfort level with people if we have something in common with them. It may be the hobbies, interests or lifestyle. So I started looking at my friends as people who look at life in somewhat similar way as I do. Over the period of time I realized that friendship sans expectations has a long way to go. Now whether it is possible to keep this relation away from expectations is still a doubtful question. But one can definitely decrease the burden by removing some expectations.

I know my perception about the friendship will undergo some more changes in upcoming times. And I hope it will change for better. This one relation has taught me a lot. I have learnt to adjust. I have learnt to accept people around me as they are. So now I look at my friends as people with whom I can be myself… These are the people who are there for me in my good n bad times and who let me be with them in their good/bad times… Even though we are close to each other we never enter each other’s private space beyond certain limit.

I must say…having such wonderful people in life makes life worthwhile.

Arranged Marriage-II

When I wrote a blog entry on arranged marriage few months back, I was sure that there will be a sequel to it. That’s why I named it as ‘Arranged Marriage-I’. So on the lines of hindi films, I can say I did a lot of research before writing its sequel and blah blah blah... Jokes apart…In past few months I have seen my friends getting associated with this process called arranged marriage (AM). We had some interesting conversations, brainstorming sessions which has made me to gather those thoughts and write them down in this blog.

Over the period of time, the role of a girl in this AM process has evolved from shy, non-demanding, compromising to the one we call as independent, bold, smart, choosy girl of today. It doesn’t mean that girls weren’t smart previously. But they surely had less choice then. Today Indian girl understands the importance of being financially independent. She is often termed as careerist woman. Kind of life style we are adopting demands double earning. She knows this very well and that’s why she is securing her future first and thinking twice before choosing her life partner. I know the story is not same in all the strata of Indian society. But I am looking at those girls who have opted for professional studies and are perusing challenging careers. In short the change has begun.

I remember one of my blog-buddy wrote in his comments on AM-I blog that AM is as good as job search, because we tend to carry a requirement list to which we keep on referring when it comes to final decision. And there is nothing wrong in it. When you are going to spend life with a person to whom you have not known before, you have to carry a list of criteria on the basis of which you will form your opinion. This list of criteria is different for different people. Having looked at the lists of different people, we can say, it consists of parameters like good looks, nice pay package, stable job. Then guys looks for girls who are homely, who can adjust with their families, n with qualification less than or equal to theirs. Girls look for guys with self owned house, understanding, qualification greater or equal to theirs. Though we say we are advancing in this AM process, some things never change. For example, height, salary and if possible qualification has to be greater/higher for boys as compared to girls. And I don’t see it changing in future too. But there are things beyond these material things. Boys as well as girls should look for 4 C’s: Click, Common, Comfort and Connect.

Two people who want to spend life together, given the fact they do not know each other, are meeting for the first time. Both of them carry their respective ‘lists of criteria’. Both of them have that curiosity to know each other, that hurry to check if the other person fits the bill, and that effort to look cool and comfortable even if they are not. The conversation starts after the exchange of greetings. And things should click right at this moment. Its difficult to define ‘click’. But we can define it as a moment of realization when we can confidently say, “that’s what I am looking for”. Then there has to be some things in common between two people. Now there is no optimal value defined for it. But both of them should have some common interests, common likes-dislikes. In the first meeting one can look for these two C’s.

Based on this one can decide for subsequent meetings, because though not impossible but it is difficult to know a person in a single meeting. I really see those people in high regards who claim that they judge a person in few minutes. In subsequent meetings, the boy and girl should look for the comfort level. How openly you can share thoughts with the other person decides the comfort level. The comfort level gives the sense of security. And it encourages you to open up a bit more. Ultimately, revealing your true selves to each other to some extent, starts building the trust. And then comes the ‘connect’. Knowing each other’s strong and weak points, sharing past experiences, comfortable exchange of thoughts makes u realize if there is any ‘connect’ between you. ‘I want to say something but not able to put it in words. Still he understands what I want to say. I get the intended meaning when he simply smiles on my question. He shares his office problem with me and I solve it as if its mine. I don’t mind if he wants to keep quite or stay alone for a while.’ Then there is connect between the two. You are ready to accept the other person with the things you like as well as dislike if you feel that connect with the other person.

There is no technical reason why one should look for these 4 C’s. But these might just help in taking that one time decision. After all it’s a question of spending life with someone. So any amount of thinking will not be adequate enough.

Not long ago I was thinking that AM is very complex thing and I would never understand it n all. But now, after putting in some thoughts I think I have changed my opinion. Previously if someone would have asked me a question: ‘what would you like to prefer? Love marriage or Arranged marriage?’ I would have said love marriage. But now I think AM is not that bad. Careful thinking is required in both of them. So I think I am indifferent between them now.

Arranged Marriage- I

Arranged Marriage…One thing which I haven’t understood till date. I mean it’s not that difficult. Many people go for arranged marriage. But I find it bit difficult to understand. Now I know, even Love Marriages are not easy. And with that, I start my analysis of arranged marriages.

One common thing between LM and AM is you have choice. In most of the cases you have the freedom of accepting or rejecting the other person. We must have heard a guy saying I have met 20 other girls before getting married to XYZ. So you have ample of choice. Even in LM, we marry a person of our choice. But there is a difference between two choices. In LM, our would-be life partner is someone whom we know. Someone, whom we have already understood as a person… someone, who knows you inside out and has accepted you for what you are and at the same time not compromising on anything.

In AM, things are different. (I am considering a bit modern scenario…n not a typical one) A boy and a girl… Their parents start searching for a suitable Bride/Groom for them. A common family friend or a relative or sometimes a matrimony agency suggests a suitable boy/girl. Photos are exchanged. Sometimes their kundalis are matched. Or sometimes their blood groups are compared. (One wise thing…)Then they meet each other with the consent of their parents. A meeting for say half an hour or one hour. (Now I am tempted to write the whole scene with dialogues.) What happens in this one hour? They greet each other. Though already known, they ask each other about qualification, job etc. They discuss their hobbies, their career goals, sometimes their views about some social issue. They talk about their families to make each other comfortable. Point here is how much do they understand each other as a person? Certainly one hour is not enough to know a person. Especially when you are planning to spend your whole life with him/her. Then how do they decide? If they decide to meet each other for couple of more times, then is that much time sufficient? One factor which is involved in this decision making is FAMILY. Family values, social tie-ups play an important role. Our society hasn’t yet started believing in courtships in case of AM. Nowadays people do take time of 3-4 months before getting married to the selected person. This is the time when they are supposed to know each other. But again, does the boy/girl get the right of refusal? No is the answer. This is the time when people prepare themselves for compromises and adjustments. After having said ‘yes’ there is no looking back. Whereas in LM, people do get a chance of stepping back.

I may sound bit technical, but if we can draw a flow diagram then
For LM it is: Know --> Like --> Love --> Understand --> Marry.
For AM it is: Like --> Marry --> Know --> Understand --> Love

While writing this blog, I received a mail which gave an entirely new perspective about this whole marriage thing. So I need to rethink about my views. Thats why ending this entry here. Some questions are still unanswered. But I’ll write them down some other time. Till then…

Dips & Me...

Its 8.15 am already. I’m waiting for a friend of mine at thane station. We were supposed to catch 8.10 am train to attend a lecture at 9.00 am in our college. I’m calling her up. “Pick up the phone yaar… (She picks up the phone)(In my cold voice)Hello...Kuthe aahes?”(My anger is pretty visible or audible in my voice) “Shubbu…mi pohchtey...2 minutes” I hang up the call and start looking in my watch. After 5-7 minutes, when I’m about to give up n going to catch a train, there she comes. With 10cm wide smile. I’m not returning a smile. I have been waiting for last 15 minutes. So I’m not supposed to return a smile. She keeps quite. “Sorry”, she whispers. No response from me. We board a train. In 25 mins journey she keeps mum. 1-2 failed attempts from her side for striking a conversation. When we get off the train, I ask her whether she has completed the assignment. And she grabs this opportunity by both the hands & starts talking. On our way to college, I say,”you were 15 mins late” And she says “dear it’s just 15 minutes.”

That’s Dipti. A friend of mine. In above paragraph, I’m not highlighting her time management skills (?) but the way she faces my wrath. I have never come across any other person in my life, who is so different from me. We never think on same line. A thing which looks right to her always looks wrong to me. We always start pursuing a problem from opposite ends. And the result is pretty much expected. BANG. We collide. We differ. We fight. And we make up. She is a friend with whom I have fought most of the times. But still, we are friends. Because we have accepted each other for what we are in real. We are exactly opposite personalities. I keep on complaining when I don’t agree with her. But none of us leave our own stands. Still we end up finding solution some way or other.

She truly represents the enthusiasm. You ask all my friends to describe her in one word. Most of them will say: “Bubbly”. It’s not her pet name. But still it captures her enthusiasm about everything perfectly. May it be dancing, May it be laughing out loudly in public she never cares about people around. She has this small world around her, made up of her family, her relatives and her friends. And she keeps enjoying herself in this small world.

Remembering the moments I have spent with her…our 1st meeting, our train rides, dips eating dabba with reku in the middle of the lecture, dips calling someone’s name loudly & me, searching for a place to hide my face from people looking back, our all night long study in PL with me waking her up after every 20-25 minutes, dips applying face powder to already ‘white’ face, me scolding her while crossing road for not paying attention to car coming towards her, dips crying out her heart in front of me on her real bad day, dips avoiding my glare in the middle of the lecture for not stopping giggling, me telling her, “Grow up dips.” & she continuing to act childlike. …there are many more moments…but it’s difficult to put them in words.

Sometimes I feel she has changed. Or I can say circumstances around her have changed. I get to hear less laughter from her these days. I don’t have to scold her anymore to tell her to keep quite. Life has its own games. She is currently busy in playing those games with life. She has to play with patience & maturity. Previously maturity n dips never used to go hand in hand. We all friends used to be there with her to tell her what’s good n what’s bad. But now things are different. We are not around her all the time. So she is acting like a grown up these days. Somehow it’s good for her. But I don’t want to lose the old Dipti. Our relation is more or less similar to mother-daughter relationship. I keep on complaining that she is making mistakes. But next moment I find myself worrying about her. I want her to grow up to achieve great heights of success in life. But she’ll remain a baby girl for me forever. So on her birthday, I wish her a lifetime of happiness. May she retain her charm, her innocence and her 10 cm wide smile for years to come.

Happy Birthday Dips!!!

To The Most Wonderful Girls…

Second year of engineering…1st day of college… a class of 60 sincere students (10-15 sincere, remaining: students) 10 girls from different divisions in FE came and introduced themselves to each other. Some of them knew each other since Jr. college days. Days passed. All of them started gelling together well. Ten girls with ten different attitudes. But one common thing, their idea of life. More or less different dreams, ambitions but same level of determination to achieve them. One thing, which kept them together, was their values. For a particular issue, they would react in exactly opposite ways. But would work together to find solution to each other’s problem. One fine day in third year, one of them declared that she will be moving out of India as her family will be settling down abroad. That was a moment when all the girls realized their friendship. Till then they used to have fun, but with limited emotional attachment. The idea of one of them leaving the college had its effect. Does it always happen with the girls’ gang? Can’t we stay together forever? These & many more thoughts…Thought of parting ways after some years brought out the real essence of friendship. In next one and a half year they lived their friendship like never before. The friend of them who settled abroad named the group of nine as ‘Navaratnas’: Nine gems with different colors, different characteristics. And in that respect the friend who named it became the ‘Johari’, the one who made other nine to come closer to each other.

Everybody promised to be in touch with each other on the last day of college. They managed to do so in spite of their busy schedules at work. But with time, the call frequency reduced. Priorities changed. They could meet each other twice or thrice, in next one and a half year. Meanwhile, the ‘johri’ friend came to India to visit them. They got a chance to recollect all the fun filled moments of college days. Again on another fine day another friend announced that she will be moving to Delhi with her family. It was time to meet each other. They planned a night stay at a friend’s house. Each one of them knew this is the beginning. Very soon, every one of them will be leaving like this. They will be getting married. And settling down in some other cities. If not in other cities then they’ll be getting busy with the responsibilities of their families and careers. That night, everybody had something to share. Their journey in last one and a half year, their plans about future…They had so much to talk and all they had in hand was single night. That night they realized that nothing has changed much. Time & distance hardly had any effect on their friendship. Each one them grew closer to each other. Who says when girls come together they only do gossip? There is lot more to discuss than just to gossip.

Next day, they went back to their day-to-day life. They must be working in their offices or attending lectures in their colleges now. Somewhere at the back of their mind, they must be thinking about the things they told each other that night. Like I’m doing right now. Hopefully we will keep on meeting & none of us will be leaving that time. This entry is especially for the most amazing girls who are the most wonderful part of my world.

Yeh jo mohabbat hai…(part-2)

Sunday evening. And I’m here in front of my pc. Many subjects popping up in my mind. And I’m confused, which one I should pick? Took a nap in the afternoon (Sunday afternoon has to be like that…heavy n full of calories ). And woke up with this confusion. I think I’ll start writing & will write as much as I can. Still have 2-3 hrs in my hand before my brother takes control of my pc…

My last blog was regarding ‘love’. Had an interesting reply session with a friend. Said interesting because I came to know some different perspectives on one sided love, commitment etc. I would like to comment on later one.

The question my friend asked was something like: If you love XYZ & you feel XYZ is the most suitable person for you to spend your entire life with. But this is in your circle of influence. In walk of life if you come across ABC & ABC is more suitable for you than XYZ then what to do? Should you stick to your earlier decision and continue your relationship with XYZ, no matter how better ABC is for you? Or you should simply move ahead with ABC? Confused??? Same here.

My take on it: I assume people give enough time to each other before saying they are in love with each other. & whatever I am about to say is based on this assumption. In this ‘enough time’ both of them have to think independently on different issues related to their future relationship. Issues like compatibility, comfort level, maturity, responsibility of their own decisions, things which are common between them, things which are different between them, their ability to face problems etc. I am not saying that one has to prepare an excel sheet and do a gap analysis. But assuming that two people in love want to spend their entire life with each other, this much amount of thinking is required, I guess. Our culture and upbringing play vital roles in this decision making. Look at the western countries. Their family bonding, emotional securities are way different as compared to ours. Divorce rate of USA is almost 50 % as compared to 1.1 % in India. I’m not saying that people in America are wrong because they part their ways very often. Their individuality amongst the society allows them to do so. In India, scene is quite different. We are very much answerable to our family, our relatives, and friends. That puts an additional pressure. Very few people try to think differently in spite of these pressures. I think, taking a decision of committing to a person and then sticking to it throughout your life , is mostly associated with these cultural values and social tie-ups.

(Assuming that love results in marriage) Look at the successful love marriages around us. The question mentioned above might have come to their minds also. Many of them might have come across ABC. But still most of them are continuing with their respective XYZ s. Why? May be, with their decision of spending life with each other, their search for better would have stopped. A person searches for better options if he is not happy & satisfied with his available options. I don’t want to call love as option. But the same applies to love. If you love XYZ and you have made your decision of spending your life with him/her that means your search has come to an end. You have got whatever you were expecting from your love. Now if you come across ABC and you think he/she is more suitable to you then that simply means you are not satisfied with your present relationship. And if there is a scope for the search of better then you should have identified it in that ‘enough time’ and shouldn’t have committed to XYZ. Again there are exceptions. If things are going wrong then one should rethink about the relation. But everything is fine and still you are looking for better option then boss you are not taking responsibility of your decisions. Wake up!

I think I have got the answer of the above mentioned question. But not sure if I presented it in right manner or not. Again it’s easy to think than to implement.

Yeh jo mohabbat hai…

11days have passes since 14th Feb. still I’m writing about it. bit off season you may say. but someone has said “pyar umr nahi dekhta” (e.g. Big B’s Nishabd etc etc...). So its independent of time. So writing about it can never be off season, right?

Read kau’s blog. N comments regarding defining love. So started thinking. So many things came to my mind. I’ll try to put them one by one without creating fuss.

There are subsets of love. Like crush, admiration, respect, liking n many more on same line. One may think these all things are part of a relationship. I think bit differently. Crush, as the name suggests gets crushed with time. Crush, according to me, is not matured. Its a feeling of liking without any support of deep thoughts. In simple words ‘TP’. Have seen very few people taking their crushes seriously. Admiration on the other hand, is supported with thoughts. We tend to admire people who are different from what we expect (in good sense of course). So admiration has a thought process attached with it. Respect, is some what similar to admiration but bit different too.

Then there is simple liking.( I know there is no complex liking ) we like someone for many /any reason. Mostly we have our friends on other end in this case. The charm of their personality, knowing them very well many times ends up in developing a liking for them. Sometimes it is just a liking, sometimes it is something more. Point here is, all the above mentioned things may or may not get converted into love. So how would I know if it’s a simple liking/crush/admiration or it has gone one step further?

Movie: Dil to pagal hai

Scene: SRK asking madhuri how wud he know who is made for him

Madhuri: “woh (god) tumhe ishara karega. Aur tum samajh jaoge ki kaun tumhare liye bana hai”

Dunno if it works in real life or not. It worked in reel life at least. But would like to believe this. For a simple reason of assigning a difficult task of identifying the love of my life, to the almighty. But nothing ends here. Rather everything starts here onwards. There is very narrow line of difference between love and other similar feelings. If a person whom we like/ admire becomes an unavoidable part of our life, if that person gives us a sense of completeness & as per above mentioned scene, if our heart says “yes that’s the one” then we can conclude, its love. U may say our heart is no different from our brains. But when it comes to emotional decisions, heart n head part their ways. So forget objective thinking n all. Let your heart do the decision making for you. At least in this matter…Fearing of heart-break?? nah... if at all it happens then let your brains do the further job. Its like a sine wave n a square wave. Heart thinks as smoothly n softly as sine wave. & head thinks sharply, as in case of square wave…sharp fall from maxima to minima… remembering CRO? Me too…

So these were my thoughts on ‘the famous subject’. Again I’m not experienced in this field..par duniya hum ne bhi dekhi hai. These thoughts of mine may or may not change with time, with experience…tab ki tab dekhenge… Ending this one with a belief in my mind…(again from dil to pagal hai )...'Someone somewhere is made for you’