On Our Wedding Days...

This one is for my gang...It may not make sense to others...but still... These days my group is expanding. Some have already got married and some are about to get married. So compiling some thoughts and ideas about how each one of us would act on his/her wedding day...
Every shaadi related discussion has to start with Venky...That's the rule you see.

Venky...post shaadi..khana khate waqt.."amazing khana yaar...--- worth hai bey...seriously yaar"
Viju...in between vidhis...stops panditji and asks..." tumhi kuthe rahta? Dombivalila? are waah :) mi pan dombivalila rahto..." panditji n viju continue talking on Dombivali leaving the bride confused...n if the bride is also from Dombivali tab to shaadi ka vidhi raha bajume...
Akshay...in between vidhis..with his stylish cam clicks pics of bride...pandit and everyone.. relieving photographer from his duties...
Kau...vidhis going on n suddenly ppl find out that groom is missing...dhundanke baad pata chalta hai the groom is on terrace enjoying beautiful scenic view and totally engrossed in thinking...
Nadu...vidhis going on...groom is there and everything else is missing :D post shaadi khana khate waqt bride ko gulabjam khilane ki baari aayegi tab nadu pehle ek khud khayega..ek use khila dega, fir uske haath se ek khayega and bolega "Uncle...2 gulabjam aur chaiye..."
Mani...in between vidhis...trying hard to keep a smiling face and thinking...kitna time chalega ye sab???
Chatu...fullll enthu...almost hopping in feras with joy...n bichme hi moonwalk bhi kar lega
Arun...sab acche bacchoke tarah vidhi follow karega...bride ko green lantern ka ring dega...and in between vidhis mails ko reply bhi karega "...'Sent from my BlackBerry' likhke...
Ram...will be in casuals..straight from the football ground and post shaadi lunch me will be seen eating all by himself than offering a bite to reks...
Amol...panditji tells him to do something and pande does it wrong way...instantly he realizes the mistake and bites his tounge....turns to bride n says.."OMG..bhari tadpa re mai..."
Neeta...all 7 feras in a time period of 3.5 feras...fast forward me
Suman...shaadi ke bich me panditji mantra bol rahe hai and jaise hi camera dikha suman mantra chhodke camera me dekhke smile kar rahi hai...
Shalu...shaadi ke baad ka khana...sab log khana khatm karke uthne ke liye ready n shalu fir bhi dheere dheere khana khatm kar rahi hai...
Ami...vidhi ke bich me..phone pe.."...haa kya? kya pakaya?? accha sun mai tujhe baad me call karti hu..meri na shaadi ho rahi hai abhi..."
Dips...while taking feras...somebody cracks a joke...may be on the lines of "..wo virus ko bahar nikal (3 idiots)..." and dhadaaaaamm...dips haste haste nich baith gayee in between feras...
Reks...reks spots one of us clicking picks and says..." areyy sunn...kisiko cam de de na..aur tu bhi aa ja pic me.." she may actually tell this to the photographer as well :)
Averil...father asking averil.." Do u take ___ as your lawfully wedded husband?" and averil taking her time while playing with her strands....thinking..thinking..n still thinking...until the guy shows all symptoms of nervous attack...
Saru...panditji asking her to repeat some mantras after him and she saying.."nahi nahi...mi evadhech mhananar..." and then keeping quite...
And in the end its me...in between vidhis..panditji tries to wind up the procedure by skipping some vidhis...n I give a nasty look to the pandit indicating "..u better complete all the vidhis...varna..."

Arranged Marriage-II

When I wrote a blog entry on arranged marriage few months back, I was sure that there will be a sequel to it. That’s why I named it as ‘Arranged Marriage-I’. So on the lines of hindi films, I can say I did a lot of research before writing its sequel and blah blah blah... Jokes apart…In past few months I have seen my friends getting associated with this process called arranged marriage (AM). We had some interesting conversations, brainstorming sessions which has made me to gather those thoughts and write them down in this blog.

Over the period of time, the role of a girl in this AM process has evolved from shy, non-demanding, compromising to the one we call as independent, bold, smart, choosy girl of today. It doesn’t mean that girls weren’t smart previously. But they surely had less choice then. Today Indian girl understands the importance of being financially independent. She is often termed as careerist woman. Kind of life style we are adopting demands double earning. She knows this very well and that’s why she is securing her future first and thinking twice before choosing her life partner. I know the story is not same in all the strata of Indian society. But I am looking at those girls who have opted for professional studies and are perusing challenging careers. In short the change has begun.

I remember one of my blog-buddy wrote in his comments on AM-I blog that AM is as good as job search, because we tend to carry a requirement list to which we keep on referring when it comes to final decision. And there is nothing wrong in it. When you are going to spend life with a person to whom you have not known before, you have to carry a list of criteria on the basis of which you will form your opinion. This list of criteria is different for different people. Having looked at the lists of different people, we can say, it consists of parameters like good looks, nice pay package, stable job. Then guys looks for girls who are homely, who can adjust with their families, n with qualification less than or equal to theirs. Girls look for guys with self owned house, understanding, qualification greater or equal to theirs. Though we say we are advancing in this AM process, some things never change. For example, height, salary and if possible qualification has to be greater/higher for boys as compared to girls. And I don’t see it changing in future too. But there are things beyond these material things. Boys as well as girls should look for 4 C’s: Click, Common, Comfort and Connect.

Two people who want to spend life together, given the fact they do not know each other, are meeting for the first time. Both of them carry their respective ‘lists of criteria’. Both of them have that curiosity to know each other, that hurry to check if the other person fits the bill, and that effort to look cool and comfortable even if they are not. The conversation starts after the exchange of greetings. And things should click right at this moment. Its difficult to define ‘click’. But we can define it as a moment of realization when we can confidently say, “that’s what I am looking for”. Then there has to be some things in common between two people. Now there is no optimal value defined for it. But both of them should have some common interests, common likes-dislikes. In the first meeting one can look for these two C’s.

Based on this one can decide for subsequent meetings, because though not impossible but it is difficult to know a person in a single meeting. I really see those people in high regards who claim that they judge a person in few minutes. In subsequent meetings, the boy and girl should look for the comfort level. How openly you can share thoughts with the other person decides the comfort level. The comfort level gives the sense of security. And it encourages you to open up a bit more. Ultimately, revealing your true selves to each other to some extent, starts building the trust. And then comes the ‘connect’. Knowing each other’s strong and weak points, sharing past experiences, comfortable exchange of thoughts makes u realize if there is any ‘connect’ between you. ‘I want to say something but not able to put it in words. Still he understands what I want to say. I get the intended meaning when he simply smiles on my question. He shares his office problem with me and I solve it as if its mine. I don’t mind if he wants to keep quite or stay alone for a while.’ Then there is connect between the two. You are ready to accept the other person with the things you like as well as dislike if you feel that connect with the other person.

There is no technical reason why one should look for these 4 C’s. But these might just help in taking that one time decision. After all it’s a question of spending life with someone. So any amount of thinking will not be adequate enough.

Not long ago I was thinking that AM is very complex thing and I would never understand it n all. But now, after putting in some thoughts I think I have changed my opinion. Previously if someone would have asked me a question: ‘what would you like to prefer? Love marriage or Arranged marriage?’ I would have said love marriage. But now I think AM is not that bad. Careful thinking is required in both of them. So I think I am indifferent between them now.

Arranged Marriage- I

Arranged Marriage…One thing which I haven’t understood till date. I mean it’s not that difficult. Many people go for arranged marriage. But I find it bit difficult to understand. Now I know, even Love Marriages are not easy. And with that, I start my analysis of arranged marriages.

One common thing between LM and AM is you have choice. In most of the cases you have the freedom of accepting or rejecting the other person. We must have heard a guy saying I have met 20 other girls before getting married to XYZ. So you have ample of choice. Even in LM, we marry a person of our choice. But there is a difference between two choices. In LM, our would-be life partner is someone whom we know. Someone, whom we have already understood as a person… someone, who knows you inside out and has accepted you for what you are and at the same time not compromising on anything.

In AM, things are different. (I am considering a bit modern scenario…n not a typical one) A boy and a girl… Their parents start searching for a suitable Bride/Groom for them. A common family friend or a relative or sometimes a matrimony agency suggests a suitable boy/girl. Photos are exchanged. Sometimes their kundalis are matched. Or sometimes their blood groups are compared. (One wise thing…)Then they meet each other with the consent of their parents. A meeting for say half an hour or one hour. (Now I am tempted to write the whole scene with dialogues.) What happens in this one hour? They greet each other. Though already known, they ask each other about qualification, job etc. They discuss their hobbies, their career goals, sometimes their views about some social issue. They talk about their families to make each other comfortable. Point here is how much do they understand each other as a person? Certainly one hour is not enough to know a person. Especially when you are planning to spend your whole life with him/her. Then how do they decide? If they decide to meet each other for couple of more times, then is that much time sufficient? One factor which is involved in this decision making is FAMILY. Family values, social tie-ups play an important role. Our society hasn’t yet started believing in courtships in case of AM. Nowadays people do take time of 3-4 months before getting married to the selected person. This is the time when they are supposed to know each other. But again, does the boy/girl get the right of refusal? No is the answer. This is the time when people prepare themselves for compromises and adjustments. After having said ‘yes’ there is no looking back. Whereas in LM, people do get a chance of stepping back.

I may sound bit technical, but if we can draw a flow diagram then
For LM it is: Know --> Like --> Love --> Understand --> Marry.
For AM it is: Like --> Marry --> Know --> Understand --> Love

While writing this blog, I received a mail which gave an entirely new perspective about this whole marriage thing. So I need to rethink about my views. Thats why ending this entry here. Some questions are still unanswered. But I’ll write them down some other time. Till then…