Does it actually matter what people think of you? If yes then to whom does it matter and to whom it does not? How does it affect your life? Reading ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey. And it gave rise to the above mentioned questions.
Human mind has this ability to make a convenient choice from the available options. That’s why multiple choice questions seem easier to solve. The point here is that we have this tendency to perceive the behavior of a person in every possible manner. These perceptions become options. And then we conveniently chose one of those options as the behavior of the other person. We label the person as smart, intelligent, sincere, mature, preacher, sentimental, bold, shy, introvert, outgoing etc. The list is non-exhaustive. But are we supposed to do so? You would say what’s the harm in perceiving or interpreting the behavior of a person? No harm. But then keep some space to accommodate the unknown side too. As I mentioned in my blog ‘Faces’ there is always an unknown side of the person. May be good may be bad. But it surely completes the picture of a person in our mind. And that forms the whole perception. Whatever we perceive of a person doesn’t form the true picture always. But we seldom keep that in mind. We trust our judgments and feel that our reasoning skills are strong enough to read the most complex creation of the God. We impose that judgment on our relations and the result is as expected: a strained relationship. Remedy on the problem: Don’t be judgmental especially when you don’t like others to be judgmental about you.
Now the question is ‘does it actually matter what judgments people draw about you?’ It depends upon person and to what stage he belongs. Our journey of life goes through three phases i.e. dependence, independence and interdependence*.Those who are emotionally dependent get affected by what people think about them. They see themselves from other’s point of view. So if the other person thinks they are immature they feel they are immature. They seldom fight with the opinion formed about them by others. On the other hand emotionally independent people don’t get affected by what others think of them. These are the people who know themselves well and don’t require others to certify their behavior. In interdependence stage, independent people accomodate the opinions of others to go ahead with ‘we’ attitude.
So, the moral of the story is if you are dependent then start your journey towards becoming independent and eventually becoming interdependent. People come in our lives and part their ways after some time. The one who is there with you from start to end is ‘you’. Only you can form judgments about you and nobody else. So think twice before forming judgments about others. Or else you may simply lose the opportunity to see the real person.
*-The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen
