Arranged Marriage…One thing which I haven’t understood till date. I mean it’s not that difficult. Many people go for arranged marriage. But I find it bit difficult to understand. Now I know, even Love Marriages are not easy. And with that, I start my analysis of arranged marriages.
One common thing between LM and AM is you have choice. In most of the cases you have the freedom of accepting or rejecting the other person. We must have heard a guy saying I have met 20 other girls before getting married to XYZ. So you have ample of choice. Even in LM, we marry a person of our choice. But there is a difference between two choices. In LM, our would-be life partner is someone whom we know. Someone, whom we have already understood as a person… someone, who knows you inside out and has accepted you for what you are and at the same time not compromising on anything.
In AM, things are different. (I am considering a bit modern scenario…n not a typical one) A boy and a girl… Their parents start searching for a suitable Bride/Groom for them. A common family friend or a relative or sometimes a matrimony agency suggests a suitable boy/girl. Photos are exchanged. Sometimes their kundalis are matched. Or sometimes their blood groups are compared. (One wise thing…)Then they meet each other with the consent of their parents. A meeting for say half an hour or one hour. (Now I am tempted to write the whole scene with dialogues.) What happens in this one hour? They greet each other. Though already known, they ask each other about qualification, job etc. They discuss their hobbies, their career goals, sometimes their views about some social issue. They talk about their families to make each other comfortable. Point here is how much do they understand each other as a person? Certainly one hour is not enough to know a person. Especially when you are planning to spend your whole life with him/her. Then how do they decide? If they decide to meet each other for couple of more times, then is that much time sufficient? One factor which is involved in this decision making is FAMILY. Family values, social tie-ups play an important role. Our society hasn’t yet started believing in courtships in case of AM. Nowadays people do take time of 3-4 months before getting married to the selected person. This is the time when they are supposed to know each other. But again, does the boy/girl get the right of refusal? No is the answer. This is the time when people prepare themselves for compromises and adjustments. After having said ‘yes’ there is no looking back. Whereas in LM, people do get a chance of stepping back.
I may sound bit technical, but if we can draw a flow diagram then
For LM it is: Know --> Like --> Love --> Understand --> Marry.
For AM it is: Like --> Marry --> Know --> Understand --> Love
While writing this blog, I received a mail which gave an entirely new perspective about this whole marriage thing. So I need to rethink about my views. Thats why ending this entry here. Some questions are still unanswered. But I’ll write them down some other time. Till then…
One common thing between LM and AM is you have choice. In most of the cases you have the freedom of accepting or rejecting the other person. We must have heard a guy saying I have met 20 other girls before getting married to XYZ. So you have ample of choice. Even in LM, we marry a person of our choice. But there is a difference between two choices. In LM, our would-be life partner is someone whom we know. Someone, whom we have already understood as a person… someone, who knows you inside out and has accepted you for what you are and at the same time not compromising on anything.
In AM, things are different. (I am considering a bit modern scenario…n not a typical one) A boy and a girl… Their parents start searching for a suitable Bride/Groom for them. A common family friend or a relative or sometimes a matrimony agency suggests a suitable boy/girl. Photos are exchanged. Sometimes their kundalis are matched. Or sometimes their blood groups are compared. (One wise thing…)Then they meet each other with the consent of their parents. A meeting for say half an hour or one hour. (Now I am tempted to write the whole scene with dialogues.) What happens in this one hour? They greet each other. Though already known, they ask each other about qualification, job etc. They discuss their hobbies, their career goals, sometimes their views about some social issue. They talk about their families to make each other comfortable. Point here is how much do they understand each other as a person? Certainly one hour is not enough to know a person. Especially when you are planning to spend your whole life with him/her. Then how do they decide? If they decide to meet each other for couple of more times, then is that much time sufficient? One factor which is involved in this decision making is FAMILY. Family values, social tie-ups play an important role. Our society hasn’t yet started believing in courtships in case of AM. Nowadays people do take time of 3-4 months before getting married to the selected person. This is the time when they are supposed to know each other. But again, does the boy/girl get the right of refusal? No is the answer. This is the time when people prepare themselves for compromises and adjustments. After having said ‘yes’ there is no looking back. Whereas in LM, people do get a chance of stepping back.
I may sound bit technical, but if we can draw a flow diagram then
For LM it is: Know --> Like --> Love --> Understand --> Marry.
For AM it is: Like --> Marry --> Know --> Understand --> Love
While writing this blog, I received a mail which gave an entirely new perspective about this whole marriage thing. So I need to rethink about my views. Thats why ending this entry here. Some questions are still unanswered. But I’ll write them down some other time. Till then…
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