Is It That Tough To Say No???

Sometimes I think what is more difficult? Saying ‘No’ or taking a ‘No’? I think both are equally difficult. It may depend upon the situation. But most of the times both the things are difficult to do. Let me take some real life examples so that I can elaborate on this point.

Let’s say, you have to form a team of 5 for a particular project assigned by our faculty/boss. And you have more than 5 friends/ colleagues to choose from. Then how to say ‘No’ to others after choosing 5? Will they ever understand why did you say no? I think they will if they have faced similar situation before.

You are in an auto at a traffic signal waiting for it to turn green. A beggar approaches you and asks for some money. You don’t feel like giving him money. And you start thinking how to say no.

Weekday afternoon…door bell rings…you open the door. A girl standing in front of you tells you that she is a student and she needs to sell this product by direct marketing. You feel like buying that product but not ready to spare Rs.200-300…how to say no?

A friend of friend of friend of friend sends you a friends request on orkut. You don’t know this person and you want to say no. But confused…whether to say or not to say no?

You go for shopping. You select few outfits. Shopkeeper shows you few more outfits. And insists that you should buy them. It would be a gr8 deal. It’s hard to say no.

Your friends have a superb plan for weekend. You want to join them. But you can’t, due to some reasons. They want you to come. And its damn difficult to say no.

These were some of the examples of external emotional dissonance. As far as internal emotional dissonance is concerned consider situations like saying no to a yummy chocolate cake remembering your weighing machine showing unpleasant numbers or refraining yourself from seeing a India Vs Pakistan cricket match/ Man U Vs Arsenal / Wimbledon Final because you have to get up early next day. I remember having read somewhere…saying no is key to success. Because by saying no, we gain control over our mind. And mind control is the best tool for excellent decision making.

Now consider situations where you have to take a ‘No’…

A day to day life situation…You ask auto driver, “ Station chaloge?” and you get a obvious answer …NO. How do you feel after listening that No? Miffed? Kind of…
You ask a bus conductor…”ye bus powai jayega?” He says No even though that bus goes via powai. You feel .

You go to your boss and ask him if you can leave early that day. And he says No. again difficult to digest.

You like someone. You gather all your courage and ask that ‘someone’ if you two have a future together. That ‘someone’ says No. You feel devastated.

Getting answer as No is painful because one never expects any negative thing to happen. Taking a No is as good as defeat for those who have high self esteem. Sometimes this resistance to No can be so strong that it may result in any adverse reaction as in case of one sided affairs.

Looking at all these aspects I feel, in order to live a peaceful life one should learn to say and accept a No. For me saying no has now become easier. I hope with time taking no will also become easier.

So what is more painful for you? To say ‘No’ or to take ‘No’?