सवाल

दिन नही गुजरता ऐसा जब दिल मी कोई सवाल ना उठे हो

लाख चाहे हम धुंडना पर जैसे जवाब सारे रूठे हो

रात को थकके जब आखे बंद कर लेते है

तब डरते है की सुबह उठे तो सारे सपने ना टूटे हो

सोचा न था

जिंदगी में कभी ऐसा वक्त भी आएगा... सोचा न था
ये अजीब सा खालीपन इतना असर कर जाएगा ... सोचा न था

बड़े बड़े सपने तो सभी लोग देखते है
आसमान छूने की ख्वाइश तो सभी लोग रखते है
मैंने भी चाहा था हवाओमे उड़ना
कभी गिर पडूँगी जमीन पर... सोचा न था

ऐसा भी समय था जब खुशिया पूछती थी हमारा रास्ता
दिल जो भी चाहे बिन मांगे मिल जाता था
पर तुम चाहो कोई चीज़ और वो तुमसे दूर जाती रहे
और तुम कुछ भी न कर पाओ... सोचा न था

दिल और दिमाग में हम अक्सर दिल की सुना करते थे
दिल की आवाज पर पुरा भरोसा किया करते थे
पर आज जब एक सन्नाटासा छाया है
तब दिल भी आवाज देना भूल जाएगा... सोचा न था

पीछे मूड के देखते है तो कुछ हसीं पल भी याद आते है
अपनों के साथ बिताये हुए प्यारे लम्हे नज़र आते है
आज भी अपने सब साथ तो है
फ़िर भी एक खालीपन महसूस होगा... सोचा न था

हारना कभी सिखा नही, लड़ के जीत हासिल करते आए है
इरादोपे था पक्का यकीं इसलिए हर मुश्किल पार करते आए है
आज वक्त साथ नही तो उम्मीद भी छुट रही है
हौसला बनाये रखने के लिए कभी खुदसे भी लड़ना होगा... सोचा न था

जिंदगी में कभी ऐसा वक्त भी आएगा... सोचा न था...
ये अजीब सा खालीपन इतना असर कर जाएगा... सोचा न था

दर्द

दर्द एक एहसास होता है, उसे अक्सर हम सेहते है…
और फिर उसकी दिल खोल के शिकायत भी किया करते है…
पर क्या ये दर्द हमेशा हि बुरा होता है?
या उस दर्द के पिछे कुछ अच्छा भी छुपा होता है?
हा…कभी कभी दर्द कुछ अच्छी बाते लेके आता है…
जब आता है तो अपनोको करीब और परायोको दूर कर देता है…
लोग दर्द में आपके साथ चलना शुरू करते है...
कुछ कदम आगे बढे नहीं की नसीहते देना शुरू करते है...
नसीहतो के सिलसिले दिनबदिन बढ़ने लगते है...
और उन्ही के साथ परायोसे फासले भी बढ़ने लगते है…
कुछ कदम बाद अपने भी थक जाते है…
वो हमे छोड़ते नहीं पर हम उनसे दूर चले जाते है…
राह पर और कोई नहीं होता बस हम ही हम होते है…
तनहाई में हम भी फिर दर्द के आसू रोते है…
पर यही तो असली बात है…
तनहाई में भी हमेशा दर्द आपके साथ होता है…
हस के वो कहता है “मत रो मेरे यार…मेरे आनेसे अक्सर ये होता है”…
साथ अगर हो अपनोका तो मंजिले आसन होती है…
फिर दर्द की भी गिनती हमारे अपनों में होती है…
उस दिनसे फिर दर्द के मायने बदल जाते है…
और फिर हम दर्द सहते नहीं हम दर्द जीते चले जाते है…

The Battle Ends...

The battle has come to an end…an end which was unavoidable one but surely not the desired one. It lasted for past two years. That brave man fought it till his last breath…and ultimately succumbed to death. The battle was against Cancer and the brave man, who eventually lost it, was my Krishna kaka… with him everybody associated with lost something…His wife lost her life partner…his 7 year old daughter and 2 year old son lost their dad and we lost a gem of a person who taught us that giving up was never an option.

In his battle, Cancer took away his immunity, strength, his peace of mind and what not. But one thing which remained intact was his willingness to live. He wanted to live…And in doing so he left no stones unturned...

He will remain in our hearts forever…next time I come across any problem, I am just going to remember one thing…If Krishna kaka fought with death I can surely fight with these trivial ones…Coz, Giving up is never an option…

May Krishna kaka rest in peace and his family get strength to recover from this mighty loss.

Solitude

I always used to see this word as one fancy term…A term which describes loneliness in rather fashionable manner. But that was only till the time I came across its real meaning. I started coming across instances which made this word even clearer and dearer to me. So here I am, sharing my perceptions and definitions of the word ‘Solitude’…

When you are in a mood to share something with your friends/family/colleagues…you start telling them enthusiastically only to realize that they are too busy to lend a ear…and you stop abruptly…you suddenly feel alone…that’s solitude.

When you get some good news about a friend and you feel that every friend of yours should know this to share your joy. You call up each one of them share that news only to know that they already knew it and did not tell you assuming you must be knowing it… that disappointment is solitude.

Its 8 pm and you are still in your office. Yes there is a lot of work. But it can be done the next day also. Still even after everybody has left, you are sitting alone in your office looking for more work…Amidst the empty cubicles you trying to burry yourself in work…that’s solitude.

Playing in sea…all your friends are enjoying it to the fullest. You drift away and watch them from a distance…as if you are not one of them…And drifting away looks like a preferable option to you. That craving to become invisible is solitude.

When you get plenty of time to think all by yourself and recollect all happy and sad times and you come up with different definitions of trivial words like solitude…believe me…its solitude.

I think everyone experiences the solitude at some point in life. Though it comes across as a gloomy and endless state, it’s unavoidable and at times it’s not that bad. For me, the feeling has a silver line as it just made me realize that I want to have someone, who is truly mine in life…seems only then I’ll stop finding new definitions of solitude.

On Our Wedding Days...

This one is for my gang...It may not make sense to others...but still... These days my group is expanding. Some have already got married and some are about to get married. So compiling some thoughts and ideas about how each one of us would act on his/her wedding day...
Every shaadi related discussion has to start with Venky...That's the rule you see.

Venky...post shaadi..khana khate waqt.."amazing khana yaar...--- worth hai bey...seriously yaar"
Viju...in between vidhis...stops panditji and asks..." tumhi kuthe rahta? Dombivalila? are waah :) mi pan dombivalila rahto..." panditji n viju continue talking on Dombivali leaving the bride confused...n if the bride is also from Dombivali tab to shaadi ka vidhi raha bajume...
Akshay...in between vidhis..with his stylish cam clicks pics of bride...pandit and everyone.. relieving photographer from his duties...
Kau...vidhis going on n suddenly ppl find out that groom is missing...dhundanke baad pata chalta hai the groom is on terrace enjoying beautiful scenic view and totally engrossed in thinking...
Nadu...vidhis going on...groom is there and everything else is missing :D post shaadi khana khate waqt bride ko gulabjam khilane ki baari aayegi tab nadu pehle ek khud khayega..ek use khila dega, fir uske haath se ek khayega and bolega "Uncle...2 gulabjam aur chaiye..."
Mani...in between vidhis...trying hard to keep a smiling face and thinking...kitna time chalega ye sab???
Chatu...fullll enthu...almost hopping in feras with joy...n bichme hi moonwalk bhi kar lega
Arun...sab acche bacchoke tarah vidhi follow karega...bride ko green lantern ka ring dega...and in between vidhis mails ko reply bhi karega "...'Sent from my BlackBerry' likhke...
Ram...will be in casuals..straight from the football ground and post shaadi lunch me will be seen eating all by himself than offering a bite to reks...
Amol...panditji tells him to do something and pande does it wrong way...instantly he realizes the mistake and bites his tounge....turns to bride n says.."OMG..bhari tadpa re mai..."
Neeta...all 7 feras in a time period of 3.5 feras...fast forward me
Suman...shaadi ke bich me panditji mantra bol rahe hai and jaise hi camera dikha suman mantra chhodke camera me dekhke smile kar rahi hai...
Shalu...shaadi ke baad ka khana...sab log khana khatm karke uthne ke liye ready n shalu fir bhi dheere dheere khana khatm kar rahi hai...
Ami...vidhi ke bich me..phone pe.."...haa kya? kya pakaya?? accha sun mai tujhe baad me call karti hu..meri na shaadi ho rahi hai abhi..."
Dips...while taking feras...somebody cracks a joke...may be on the lines of "..wo virus ko bahar nikal (3 idiots)..." and dhadaaaaamm...dips haste haste nich baith gayee in between feras...
Reks...reks spots one of us clicking picks and says..." areyy sunn...kisiko cam de de na..aur tu bhi aa ja pic me.." she may actually tell this to the photographer as well :)
Averil...father asking averil.." Do u take ___ as your lawfully wedded husband?" and averil taking her time while playing with her strands....thinking..thinking..n still thinking...until the guy shows all symptoms of nervous attack...
Saru...panditji asking her to repeat some mantras after him and she saying.."nahi nahi...mi evadhech mhananar..." and then keeping quite...
And in the end its me...in between vidhis..panditji tries to wind up the procedure by skipping some vidhis...n I give a nasty look to the pandit indicating "..u better complete all the vidhis...varna..."

कहानी

हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...
किसी की नयी तो किसी की पुरानी होती है...

हर एक की जिन्दगी में वोह हसीं मोड़ आता है
जब कोई एक अपनोसे भी अपना बन जाता है
भीड़ मे भी उसका चेहरा सबसे पहले दिखाई देता है
शोर में उसका हर लब्ज साफ़ सुनाई देता है
उससे जुडी हर बात मुह जबानी होती है
हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...

पर हर कहानी की एक फिदरत होती है
अचानाक से वो कोई नया मोड़ ले लेती है
खुशियोभरे पल पीछे छूटने लगते है
मायूसीमे न जाने फिर कितने घंटे कटते है
अब उसके खयालोके साथ साथ बिछड़नेकी आहट होती है
हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...

फिर दिन, महीने उसे याद करते बीत जाते है
अपनी कहानीकी किस्मत पर कभी आसू भी निकल आते है
पर आँसूओभरी कहानी तो अधूरी होती है
हसी ख़ुशी ख़त्म हो तो ही कहानी पुरी होती है
जिन्दगी में बस थोड़ी उम्मीद बढानी होती है...

हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है
किसी की नयी तो किसी की पुरानी होती है...

Krishna Kaka-II

Some questions never come to your mind and one of those is ‘how does a man embracing death look like?’ Today I got the answer to this question which I never thought of. That person looks like Krishna kaka…Yes the same Krishna kaka about whom I wrote in my blog few months ago.

When Krishna kaka was diagnosed with cancer last year we all knew what was in store. But he decided to fight back. He has fought with this disease with utmost courage. But today he seemed vulnerable. His eyes have lost the shine which used to say a lot about his confidence. He is shifting his base to his native place where his wife is getting some job. He has accepted the fact that he is not going to live longer. In that case, his wife has to take care of household and their two children. This is one of those difficult moments when one has to choose between two equally important options. One option is to shift base to Kudal where his wife can start working. And the other is to stay in Mumbai for better treatment. He has chosen the 1st option which comes at the cost of his life. If he would have decided to stay in Mumbai for his treatment he would have foregone his family’s future financial security provisioning. And by choosing to shift to Kudal he has foregone his chances of living longer.

For the first time I feel like whatever I have learnt so far is so superficial. Having learnt about Game Theory (choosing the best possible option with minimum opportunity cost)in my favorite subject Economics, I always used to think if it applies in real life too…If everything comes with a ‘opportunity cost’(the cost of foregoing other option available). Now looking at Krishna kaka, I feel that the concept of opportunity cost couldn’t have been explained in a harder way than this.

If miracles do happen then I would like to see one in Krishna kaka’s case. But somewhere at the back of my mind I know that God is not going to fulfill this wish of mine…

25 Things I keep in my mind…

Every year this time around I indulge myself in memories. I can’t term it as introspection as such. Because it’s not about analyzing my deeds but I spend some time in recollecting some good as well as some not so good memories. And every year outcomes or I should say flow of outcome surprises me. Memories, things associated with them are almost same. But every year my point of view about them changes. And I keep learning something new out of them. I take forward those things as carried forward balance and try to amortize loss making propositions. (Blame it on the finance manager in me) Here I am trying to put forward 25 such things in no particular order. Why 25? Well… you can say I like that number :D

1. Use words carefully… they do wonders if used properly. And they can cost you big if you neglect their power.
2. Respect your professors… even if you don’t understand what your professor is teaching, don’t think that the professor doesn’t know how to teach. Patient listening of what he is trying to say will fetch you something or other.
3. Be on time… I know it doesn’t fit into our famous concept of Indian Standard Time. But it’s something which pleases the person you are meeting. One who respects time is respected by time.
4. Happiness and sorrows cannot be compared... Only because they cannot be measured. So there is nothing like “‘I am happier than you.” Or “My worries are more than yours” etc.
5. Understand your parents’ point of view… parents are protective about us. Try to slip in their shoes to understand why.
6. Keep quite when you lose temper… that saves you from hurting people around you by your words.
7. If something really bad is happening then stay assured that something really good is in making.
8. Sincere efforts can move the heaviest rock...There is nothing in this world which cannot be conquered with the help of sincere efforts.
9. Keep updating yourself with the things happening around you. It helps you in staying connected with the world.
10. Value every relationship in life...May it be personal or professional.
11. Don’t expect anything from friends and family... Unfulfilled expectations add bitterness to the relation.
12. Cherish the taste of food you eat. Feel it before you eat it. The fragrance you smell, the color you see and the taste you savor make the dish ever so special and leaves you satisfied after eating.
13. Ego and self-esteem are two different things... Ego hurts others and Self-esteem protects you from getting hurt by others.
14. Go an extra mile when you want to do something for your loved ones... That shows your level of affection towards them.
15. Know your audience...Not only while doing a presentation but also while sharing your thoughts and emotions.
16. Admire the beauty of nature... It makes you understand the depth of beauty in simplicity.
17. When you feel like giving up start working double harder...That’s what I have learnt from my IT professor. It helped a lot in every tough situation.
18. Know when to stop...Sometimes letting go is the necessity of an hour.
19. Never break anybody’s trust...It’s a kind of offense which can never be forgiven or forgotten.
20. Don’t judge people especially if you yourself don’t like to get judged.
21. Value your ethics... Stick to them even when giving up them seems an attractive option. It helps you standing tall when everything else falls apart.
22. No two people are same... So things which are applicable to one person may not suit the other person at all.
23. Listen to your friends in their down times... Even if you can’t help them in any other way, this can still be a great help.
24. Try to be perfect in everything in you do. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of perfection.
25. In company of friends don’t think about staying alone. And while you are alone don’t think that I should have got my friends with me now. Live more in every moment.

Thank you Mr. Modi

We often say that in India Cricket is not a game but it’s a religion of almost every Indian। There are other games too. But cricket has a quality to appeal masses and classes at the same time. Thanks to some of the greatest name in Indian cricket, parents have started seeing a budding Sachin, Saurav or Rahul in their kids. Such is the charisma of cricket in India.

The game has evolved over the period of time। From test cricket to one day cricket and now to 20-20 cricket… It seems like cricket is getting customized as per the needs of the viewers. It sounds like cola drink available in 1.5 lit, 500 ml and 200 ml bottles. All quench the same thirst. So in the market conditions where the supply would never be able to suffice the demand for the entertainment via cricket, Mr. Lalit Modi’s brainchild IPL came as a best selling product. BCCI being the richest sport’s governing body left no stone unturned for adding few more zeroes after one in their account. IPL gained a lot of fame and money as well in its 1st season. With some film star franchisees owning the teams, more glamour got added in the already glamorous game of cricket. The concept was indeed criticized for commercializing every aspect of the game. Some of the incidents like Kingfisher chief sacking RCB coach Venkatesh Prasad left a bitter taste in mouth of game supporters. Such incidents proved that business houses or film stars own teams to make money. They are not there for the love of game but all that matters to them is business. Heftily paid cricketers are bound to give good performance because at the end of the day, it’s all about money. What came in as a good part (which I doubt was the intention of the concept) was the exposure to local talent. India is full of cricket talents and everybody can’t make it to top 11 to play for India. So tournament like IPL provided them with the opportunity and people came to know about some young guns like Abhishek Nayar, Swapnil Asnodkar, and Manpreet Goni who outperformed some of the foreign players. So with all such pros and cons IPL indeed proved to be a profitable proposition and people actually started awaiting this year’s game.

BUT…this year’s IPL will remain in the memories of all cricket fans for some wrong reasons. First and foremost being venue shifting outside India. Was that really needed? Mr. Modi, Commissioner of IPL was unable to shift dates of matches. And Government of India was unable to provide full protection sighting the reason of general elections being held in the same period. So the home minister asked Mr. Modi to shift dates of matches in May to which Mr. Modi opposed saying it would result in losses to the sponsors. Was it really a reason or it was merely an EGO issue? I wonder if Mr. Modi did some scenario planning while fixing the dates. Few simple questions would throw some lights on this issue.

1. The sponsors such as Aircel, DLF, Vodafone, and Hero Honda are targeting which customer segment? Indian or foreign?
2. What is the forecast for footfall at the stadium for the matches if held in India and what it is if matches are held outside India? Was weather taken into the consideration?
3. What about the job opportunities and business opportunities which could have been created if IPL would have taken place in India?
4. Wouldn’t IPL have resulted in building better sports facilities with the help of investments from franchisees?
5. Are the franchisees happy with this whole new expensive shifting? Are the players happy? What about the players who were sent back under the name of cost cutting?
6. Does Mr. Modi really care what picture he is creating about India when he brags about how successfully he has managed to shift IPL to South Africa?

We all know answers to these questions, Don’t we?

Every project comes with a backup plan. It has to. That’s why we do scenario planning. But the biggest and one of the costliest projects doesn’t seem to have one such back plan. It’s the flexibility in the plan which assures success with minimum loss. So when Mr. Modi says that we cannot schedule IPL after general election, it doesn’t go down well with me.

IPL in May would have resulted in fewer cancellations. We wouldn’t have to settle with 10 over game because of rain. If shifting of dates would have caused losses to sponsors then aren’t the play cancellations causing losses? What about the very concept of IPL of playing at home venue and away venue? There is nothing like home team getting more support and thus the advantage. It seems Mr. Modi has agreed to alter the concept but not the ego.

Today when we see matches on our television, we do see South African fans turning up for matches and Mr. Modi and the franchisees (especially the Bollywood lot) getting overwhelmed by the response they are getting in foreign land. But do we feel the same? A Mumbai Indians match in a packed Mumbai stadium with crowd screaming “Surya….Surya” for Sanath Jaysurya, would have been a better sight to watch anytime. At the end of the day it’s the game of cricket which should remain unbeaten. No politics, no ego issues should hamper the game. We will enjoy matches on TV, we will scream and clap at home but we will be missing something for sure. And we should all thank Mr. Modi for missing that ‘something’.

So, thank you Mr. Modi.

When Friends Take Backseat...

Well…copyrights of this sentence belong to my very dear friend’s hubby. When we met for the first time we had this interesting discussion about how their life would change after marriage. That time he said this line that friends will take backseat in future and later it remained in my memory forever.

Somehow I couldn’t digest this friends and backseat funda. It disturbed me for sure. It surely came across as a bitter truth. May be because it was hard for me to imagine myself getting decoupled from my dear friends’ lives and it was even harder to imagine my life with my friends taking backseat. We keep saying that we can chose friends but we cannot chose relatives. Then why do we take this chosen relation for granted? We seldom think before imposing expectations on friendship. We don’t take pain to be vocal about our expectations thinking that friends will understand. And in many of the cases they do. But somehow it weakens the ties of friendship.

It is quite natural. When we see our friends getting into a relationship, initially we make sure that we are there for them. We make sure that we help them out in decision making process so that they can choose the best for themselves. But once everything settles down we start assuming that we should better step back. To a certain extent it is right because we would certainly want our dear friend to have some beautiful moments with the special person in his/her life. We assure ourselves that they can take care of their problems and we start maintaining a distance. This too is acceptable. But we need to decide upon this definition of distance. Can we go that far from where we won’t even come to know if our friend needs us or not? No, we can’t. As much as we understand that we can’t interfere in our friend’s personal life after a certain point, we also need to understand we cannot subtract ourselves from their lives. That ‘special someone’ and a friend need to coexist. None of them can replace each other.

Now when I look back and recollect that line, I feel that now I have understood it correctly. I can see a dear friend driving a car with me sitting on a front seat. Both of us are enjoying our journey. Later his/her special someone joins us on that ride and I take a backseat. But it doesn’t bother me because I haven’t left my friend midway in that journey. If at all my friend needs me I’m just sitting behind. I’m not interfering till the time ride is smooth but if he/she messes around with the controls then I won’t hesitate to offer a helping hand without their permission. Backseat or front seat…all I have to do is to be there for my friend in this long journey called life.

Its Not Safe Anymore...

Both the groups were standing at two ends of road facing each other. In between them it was no man’s land. Some vehicles were parked on that road. And within a moment it started. Both the groups were pelting stones at each other. Later stones were accompanied by soda bottles. To make the matter worse petrol bombs came into the picture. 10-12 policemen were certainly not enough to handle the situation. One of them fired in air. For a moment everything came to rest. And it started all over again. This time one group started chasing other. That group destroyed the vehicles parked on the road by breaking its wind shields. Police intervened. But nothing helped. The other group came forward and ignited the already destroyed vehicles. Some of them broke into a laundry and set it on fire. In response to that the previous group set a bakery on fire. This was no less than a movie scene. I wish it could have been a movie scene.

This is the first hand account of things happened on 17th march 2009. It was kind of action replay of events which took place on 29th September 2008. I am talking about the riots which took place in rabodi area in Thane. All I could do was to watch these things happening right outside my colony with terrified eyes. The main gate was locked. Someone climbed the gate and threw a petrol bomb inside the compound. And I thought that’s it. Now the entire mob will barge into the colony and my mind couldn’t dare to imagine what would have followed. Luckily that ‘someone’ changed his mind and ran away.

These riots took place between so called hindu and muslim groups. But who had to pay for it? Answer is common man. Both the groups were fighting without any objective. All they had was a provocation by some political leaders. The reason I said that common man had to pay because I saw both the groups damaging the same vehicles without knowing if those vehicles belonged to hindus or muslims. One broke the windshields and then other group ignited them.

Now when I am looking at the same road, I can see it getting cleaned. There is hardly any vehicle passing on the same road. So things have settled down to some extent. But I wonder how long things will remain calm. With elections around the corner, picture may get uglier. Police will surely arrest few people but ‘political pressure’ will play its role and the culprits will be free very soon. That way neither politicians nor the culprits will have to lose anything. If anyone has to lose something then it’s the people like us who will lose peace of mind. If we decide to leave this area then our flats won’t have the same price now. So we’ll have to settle for lesser prices that way making it difficult to buy another house in a safer area. All I can see is tough times ahead…

Krishna Kaka

This blog entry is dedicated to ‘Krishna Kaka’. And you will come to know ‘why’ very soon.

Krishna kaka is known to my family for past 9 years since he started working for a part time job in my dad’s office. Having native place in Konkan, he came to Mumbai in search of a job. Later he got a job of conductor in TMC on contract basis and he started working for part time in my dad’s office. Quite famous for his ever helpful nature he instantly created a place in everybody’s heart in office. Name any kind of work and Krishna Kaka is all set to do it…and that too without complaining. Never say no to anyone and help everyone who ever is in need. It may not be a financial help but when it comes to helping in wedding or pooja related chores or spending night in a hospital when someone is seriously ill, Krishna kaka is there for you. Name any wedding in Malwan and Krishna kaka, in some way or other, is related to bride or groom. Such an affectionate personality he is, who keeps making friends and no foes at all.

**~~**

It was a May afternoon. Krishna kaka came to our house to give some papers to dad. He was not feeling well for some days. Mom asked him about his treatment. He said that his lungs were filled with a fluid. And he had an appointment on the same day with doctor to remove that liquid from his lungs. Mom obviously scolded him for not taking proper rest. Working from morning to evening in dad’s office and then night shift in TMC was taking its toll on him. But he wasn’t very keen on slowing down. Having two children, one 5 year old and one 5 month old, he was not letting himself to fall short of any efforts to give them a good life. Mom n dad advised him to be more careful about health and then he went for his treatment.

**~~**

Almost 15 days later, he got admitted to Bombay hospital. Clearly things were not going well. Doctors said liquid formation in his lungs was because of tuberculosis (TB). That liquid was sent for further tests. And on that worst day we got news that liquid tested positive for Cancer. Krishna kaka was suffering from lung cancer and that too in advanced stage. For a moment my brain stopped working when I first heard this news. Lung cancer?? And that too without any smoking habits?? How is it possible? Can reports go wrong? And so on. Everyone who knew Krishna kaka was shattered to hear this. Doctor suggested rounds of chemotherapy. It wasn’t easy for his family as well. His wife being housewife was in no position to arrange for 2.5 to 3 lakh rupees for his treatment. When dad visited him in hospital he looked quite calm. He just told dad, “I know I am having cancer. But I want to live and I am going try very hard for it.” It was his goodwill which paid off at the time of crisis. His friends and colleagues in office helped generously to collect almost Rs.2.7 lakh for his treatment. While contributing, everyone wished that Krishna should get cured. And the treatment took off.

**~~**

It was my birthday. I got a call. Krishna kaka was on line from hospital. He wished me and gave his blessings. I didn’t know what to say. I just asked him to get well soon and come home so that we can celebrate together. And a thought struck my mind if I will keep getting his wishes and blessing on my next birthdays.

**~~**

A month later, one evening Krishna kaka came home. I was studying something when he came. I met him for the first time since he started his cancer treatment. Two chemoes were over. He was wearing a cap as he lost his hair during treatment. But he was having the same smile on his face which he always used to have before the illness. He was waiting for my dad to return home. And I was wondering what to say and how to say. I never found myself falling short of words while talking to him before. But that day I just couldn’t start. I asked, “How is treatment going on?” He said, “Everything going on well. Its little bit painful on the next day of treatment as chemo creates a lot of heat in the body. But it’s fine. I always knew it was not going to be easy. Doctors are thinking of removing a portion of lung. But with that it will be difficult for me to take up any hectic work. Still I am considering that surgery option if it is going to fetch me few more years of life.” I was awestruck to see how calmly he was telling all these things. He continued, “Initially even I felt sad thinking why me? I never had any bad habits like smoking. Not in my dreams I thought that I would suffer from cancer. Then why did it happen. But then I thought there is no point in thinking over it. All I know, is I have a family to support. They are dependent on me. And I can’t leave them midway in life. If at all I have to leave then it’s only after making proper provisions for them. And for that I need few more years of life. So I have decided…come what may be….I will fight back. I am not going to lose so easily.” I was speechless. He wasn’t taking any confidence boosting class for me. But at that moment I thought forget about those personality building books. Even without reading single book of those kinds, this man knew how to fight back and how to keep his morale high in such a bad time. Life is a harsh teacher and it taught him never to give up. I simply added, “Your goodwill is so strong that it will certainly pay off. People whom you have helped in your entire life will definitely pray to god to cure your illness. Just maintain this trust in God and more importantly trust in yourself. I am no one to tell you all this but today I learnt from you that if one can fight with death one can fight with any adverse thing in life and win it over.”

**~~**

Krishna kaka has now rejoined his part time job. He can’t exert himself much. But he keeps doing work as much as possible. Chemotherapy is stopped now. He is on a tablet course now. Doctors have said that his will power is working in his favor. Doctors from Tata hospital have said that lung surgery is not needed. The medicine course should help in suppressing the growth of cancer tissues.
His wife is taking care of his medicines, dosages. She knows that there is no certainty. But she has stood by his side in his war of life. His younger son is now 1 year old and is very happy to see his father around him more often. His elder daughter doesn’t pester him much with her questions as she knows that her dad needs to take rest when he comes home. Friends and relatives are also quite supportive and happy to see him back to work.

**~~**

In the beginning of this blog entry I said that there is a reason behind this entry. If you happen to read this quite lengthy blog and if you feel the same inspiration as I felt after talking to him then please do me a favor. Please pray for his longer life once. By good wishes, blessings, prayers if he can live longer then it will be of great help to him and me as well. Thanks.

At Pit Stop...

Hushhh….The qualifying sessions are over. It was quite strenuous. I am not at the starting grid though. I am somewhere towards the end. Why? Well, every question should have an answer. Engine is good. Wheels are fine. But track is bit slippery and full of turns. I fumbled on the turns. It wasn’t for the first time that I was driving on such tracks. But maybe I lost my focus. Maybe I didn’t. Sometimes you do everything right just to realize that something is going wrong. This was one of such times.

I saw others finding it easy to register shorter times on track. And was wondering why I’m taking so long? This thinking about problem must have caused me to lose my focus. Need to get rid of all such issues before the Race day.

Thinking about those races where people starting from the back of the grid emerged as winners. Those races are remembered as their success stories. So it’s not impossible to win the race even though you are not at the pole position. It will just be more difficult. And more challenging too. One who is at the pole position has the challenge to maintain his position, maintain the competitive advantage of starting ahead of everybody. And one who starts at the end has to overtake everybody ahead of him. Conditions don’t favor him. And he is not considered amongst the potential winners. This alleviates the pressure of expectations. One should use this in his favor. Yes…I will use it in my favor.

Tomorrow, on Race day, I am going to go easy on some things. All I am going to do is to drive smartly. It doesn’t matter whom I am overtaking. All that matters is that I am moving ahead. I don’t have any point to prove to anyone. All I have is confidence that I can win.

I am at the pit stop looking at my car…the same one with which I have won races in the past. Just now my car got refueled. It got checked for all possible faults. It is looking as eager and confident as me. Both of us are ready to hit the track tomorrow. There is almost no one in the pit lane except us. I am listening to the roaring engines in the silence around me and my eyes are glued to the images of finish line and the chequered flag.

Receiver

There are three types of people in this world… transmitter, receiver and transceiver.

Transmitter always passes on the processed signal. It doesn’t have inbuilt feature of receiving any data.

Receiver keeps receiving data endlessly. Till the time it breaks down. But it does so without any complaint.

Transceivers are the lucky ones. They transmit as well as receive. They have receiver when they want to transmit and they receive when other transmitter transmits data towards them.

Poor receivers…cant transmit what they have. And transmitter never knows if receiver wants to say something. I wish every receiver gets a transceiver and not the transmitter in life…so that it redesigns itself to become another transceiver.

And may they live happily ever after.

(A noise signal from a true telecom engineer's mind)

Walking Down The Memory Lane...

Looking at the sky stretched over the sea
I went down the memories of you n me

The summer was never so colorful before
It was not just the summer but was something more

Closing my eyes I was listening to the sea
And you came nearby and stood just next to me

We met by chance and befriended by choice
We decided to walk together amidst the tidal noise

At times we talked at times we kept quite
The feeling of togetherness was just so right

We never walked hand in hand for the fact we always knew
The bond of friendship strengthened with time as the trust amongst us grew

But we never had a rule to be together every now and then
It acted as a breather when we parted our ways in those few moments of pain

It took me a moment to realize that you were no more around
I looked at the sky and smiled back at God for the beautiful memories I found

Now that I am looking at the sky stretched over the cool blue sea
It just reminds me of that walk on the shore, with you walking besides me

The First One...

Change always faces resistence. Sometimes its external and sometimes it is internal. I was facing the internal resistence when I decided to switch to Blogger from my previous blog. I am like that...But it just takes one moment to say thats it. I just had my moment.

So here I'm...with few entries from my previous blog I'm enetering the world of Blogger.com ...Looking forward to njoyyyyyy...

How I Wish !!!

Sometimes you know that this is not going to last longer. It will end soon. Still when you realize that it has ended, you wish if it could have continued a bit longer…
How many times in life do we come across such situations?

A picnic with friends…Organized hustle bustle… You don’t fall short of topics to discuss… and the picnic comes to an end.

Sitting alone at a sea shore…looking at the horizon…the sun is about to set…you listen to the music of tides…like nature presents the best audio-visual on stage… and you realize…its time.

A morning in December… alarm rings…you put it on snooze… blanket seems extra warm… mom calls to wake you up…and you wish if you could have slept longer.

In the walk of life you meet someone… become friends…walk with them for some time…only to know that you have to part ways…if not now then sooner… And you wish...

Nothing is immortal…Everything comes to an end…we accept the situation and move on… What accompany us are the immortal things called memories…sweet and sour…yet near to heart…

A friend of mine rightly says… “Memories from past…Forever they do last.”

Some Fond Memories...

Ek tha engineering college, tha Somaiya jiska naam,
Hasi-khushi padhna yahi tha waha ke students ka kaam.

Wahi ki EXTC branch me padhte the ye namune sabhi
Dhyanse suniyega sab, kahani to shuru hui hai abhi-abhi.

Mai aur Sarika 1st benchpe baitha karte the
Hamare alawa sirf Neeta Suman lectures ko suna karte the

Jaha fan ki hawa pahuche Rekha-Dipti waha baitha karte the
Chahe dus baje ho ya baara, lecture ke bich bindhast khaya karte the.

Unke piche baithke Ami-Shalu n Averil SM ko saha karti thi
Ami-Shalu likhneme to Averil sochneme dang raha karti thi

Lecture me professor aaye ya na aaye, Arun jarur aata tha
D’mello ka to aadha waqt library mehi jata tha

Ek that Shot Shanker jo apnihi (GRE ki) duniya me rahta tha
Ek tha Chatu jo har baat ko haste hue kahta tha

Kaustubh n Mani KR ke lecture me kabhi dhyanhi nahi de paye the
Par WN me highest marks inhi donoke aaye the

SM ke lecture me Pandene sincerely sums kiye the
Lekin SM ne term work me use marks kam diye the

Dombivali me rahke bhi Akshay waqt se pehle aata tha
Aur dombivali me rahke Vijay shayad hi 9.30 se pehle pahuch pata tha

Har DCOM practs me Venky naye puzzles diya karta tha
Har din ke last lecture me Nadu ek apple khaya karta tha

Submission karib aate hi assignments badha karte the
Us tension me Ram ke gaane saath diya karte the

Koi ek like assignment to copy sab log kiya karte the
Koi ek ho present to bhi proxies se column bhara karte the

Beet gaye wo pyare din, sirf yaadoka silsila rah gaya
Chaha to tha waqt ko thame rakhna,
par wo to haatose paani ki tarah bah gaya

Alag ho chuki hi raahe par dosti abhi bhi barkarar hai,
Yaad karenge wo yaade jis din milenge hum…
Ab to hume sirf us din ka intejar hai…

-shubhada

Things we learn...

A man remains student for his entire life. And it’s very very true. Almost every moment in our life we learn one thing or other. Sometimes we don’t realize what we have learnt a moment before but some amount of learning goes into our brains. With plenty of free time in hand and mind working at the optimum speed I’m trying to revisit some of these learning moments.
It must have happened with you all too. When you badly want something to happen, it may not just happen that way. It often happens with me. And I say that God must have turned on the inverter circuit before accepting input from me.

What I have learnt: Be careful while asking for something to happen. You never know when the inverter is on. So play safe.

Sometimes you just wish something and you may not expect it to happen…but it happens. (Inverter is off. Or the wish is as minute as noise signal to go unprocessed through inverter.)
What I have learnt: wishes may come true. So no harm in expecting something. If you are too confused whether to expect something to happen or not then leave it to god. He has designed the circuit. He knows it better which signal to process at what time.

We come across a trivial problem in life. It can be anything ranging from mistake in a mark sheet, boss taking credit for our work to not receiving calls/mails from friends. We may react in loud manner. Coz the problem is too small to look at and we link it to many different things and make it big and confusing. So we waste a lot of energy in understanding the problem, reacting over it and then leaving it unsolved.
What I have learnt: no need to put on the analytical thinking caps for trivial issues. Some things happen for no or negligible reasons. Why waste energy in finding the cause which seldom exists. Sometimes its better to ‘Let go’ and ‘Move on’.

Now comes the big problem. These are the problems to which we have seen people around us reacting in different normal manners. But when it takes place in our life we tend to react differently. This problem is too big to have standardized solution. It can be anything ranging from failures in studies, loss in business to failed relationship. When all others react to these problems in expected manner you may simply chose to react differently. Why? For no reason. Big problems may not move you as much as small problems. You remain calm and quiet, think about how to deal with it and start implementing the solution. It demands u to be more practical else you may end up being affected way too much with it.
What I have learnt: That’s the key to success. Be practical while solving big problems. Think wisely. If the problem is too big to have impact on your life you just can’t handle it carelessly. Being calm and composed is the demand of the situation. These are the situations where we learn maximum from our mistakes. If we don’t then we keep repeating the mistakes and landing in trouble. So take a deep breath and conquer the problem.

At the end of the day we know that we keep asking for something or other to God which may not get fulfilled. We wish for something and it may just come true. We make fuss of small problems. And we may remain unperturbed in a big problem. But what matters is what we learn from all these situations.

It’s human to do mistakes. You learn a lot from them. And if you don’t then you keep committing them again and again.