सोचा न था

जिंदगी में कभी ऐसा वक्त भी आएगा... सोचा न था
ये अजीब सा खालीपन इतना असर कर जाएगा ... सोचा न था

बड़े बड़े सपने तो सभी लोग देखते है
आसमान छूने की ख्वाइश तो सभी लोग रखते है
मैंने भी चाहा था हवाओमे उड़ना
कभी गिर पडूँगी जमीन पर... सोचा न था

ऐसा भी समय था जब खुशिया पूछती थी हमारा रास्ता
दिल जो भी चाहे बिन मांगे मिल जाता था
पर तुम चाहो कोई चीज़ और वो तुमसे दूर जाती रहे
और तुम कुछ भी न कर पाओ... सोचा न था

दिल और दिमाग में हम अक्सर दिल की सुना करते थे
दिल की आवाज पर पुरा भरोसा किया करते थे
पर आज जब एक सन्नाटासा छाया है
तब दिल भी आवाज देना भूल जाएगा... सोचा न था

पीछे मूड के देखते है तो कुछ हसीं पल भी याद आते है
अपनों के साथ बिताये हुए प्यारे लम्हे नज़र आते है
आज भी अपने सब साथ तो है
फ़िर भी एक खालीपन महसूस होगा... सोचा न था

हारना कभी सिखा नही, लड़ के जीत हासिल करते आए है
इरादोपे था पक्का यकीं इसलिए हर मुश्किल पार करते आए है
आज वक्त साथ नही तो उम्मीद भी छुट रही है
हौसला बनाये रखने के लिए कभी खुदसे भी लड़ना होगा... सोचा न था

जिंदगी में कभी ऐसा वक्त भी आएगा... सोचा न था...
ये अजीब सा खालीपन इतना असर कर जाएगा... सोचा न था

दर्द

दर्द एक एहसास होता है, उसे अक्सर हम सेहते है…
और फिर उसकी दिल खोल के शिकायत भी किया करते है…
पर क्या ये दर्द हमेशा हि बुरा होता है?
या उस दर्द के पिछे कुछ अच्छा भी छुपा होता है?
हा…कभी कभी दर्द कुछ अच्छी बाते लेके आता है…
जब आता है तो अपनोको करीब और परायोको दूर कर देता है…
लोग दर्द में आपके साथ चलना शुरू करते है...
कुछ कदम आगे बढे नहीं की नसीहते देना शुरू करते है...
नसीहतो के सिलसिले दिनबदिन बढ़ने लगते है...
और उन्ही के साथ परायोसे फासले भी बढ़ने लगते है…
कुछ कदम बाद अपने भी थक जाते है…
वो हमे छोड़ते नहीं पर हम उनसे दूर चले जाते है…
राह पर और कोई नहीं होता बस हम ही हम होते है…
तनहाई में हम भी फिर दर्द के आसू रोते है…
पर यही तो असली बात है…
तनहाई में भी हमेशा दर्द आपके साथ होता है…
हस के वो कहता है “मत रो मेरे यार…मेरे आनेसे अक्सर ये होता है”…
साथ अगर हो अपनोका तो मंजिले आसन होती है…
फिर दर्द की भी गिनती हमारे अपनों में होती है…
उस दिनसे फिर दर्द के मायने बदल जाते है…
और फिर हम दर्द सहते नहीं हम दर्द जीते चले जाते है…

The Battle Ends...

The battle has come to an end…an end which was unavoidable one but surely not the desired one. It lasted for past two years. That brave man fought it till his last breath…and ultimately succumbed to death. The battle was against Cancer and the brave man, who eventually lost it, was my Krishna kaka… with him everybody associated with lost something…His wife lost her life partner…his 7 year old daughter and 2 year old son lost their dad and we lost a gem of a person who taught us that giving up was never an option.

In his battle, Cancer took away his immunity, strength, his peace of mind and what not. But one thing which remained intact was his willingness to live. He wanted to live…And in doing so he left no stones unturned...

He will remain in our hearts forever…next time I come across any problem, I am just going to remember one thing…If Krishna kaka fought with death I can surely fight with these trivial ones…Coz, Giving up is never an option…

May Krishna kaka rest in peace and his family get strength to recover from this mighty loss.

Solitude

I always used to see this word as one fancy term…A term which describes loneliness in rather fashionable manner. But that was only till the time I came across its real meaning. I started coming across instances which made this word even clearer and dearer to me. So here I am, sharing my perceptions and definitions of the word ‘Solitude’…

When you are in a mood to share something with your friends/family/colleagues…you start telling them enthusiastically only to realize that they are too busy to lend a ear…and you stop abruptly…you suddenly feel alone…that’s solitude.

When you get some good news about a friend and you feel that every friend of yours should know this to share your joy. You call up each one of them share that news only to know that they already knew it and did not tell you assuming you must be knowing it… that disappointment is solitude.

Its 8 pm and you are still in your office. Yes there is a lot of work. But it can be done the next day also. Still even after everybody has left, you are sitting alone in your office looking for more work…Amidst the empty cubicles you trying to burry yourself in work…that’s solitude.

Playing in sea…all your friends are enjoying it to the fullest. You drift away and watch them from a distance…as if you are not one of them…And drifting away looks like a preferable option to you. That craving to become invisible is solitude.

When you get plenty of time to think all by yourself and recollect all happy and sad times and you come up with different definitions of trivial words like solitude…believe me…its solitude.

I think everyone experiences the solitude at some point in life. Though it comes across as a gloomy and endless state, it’s unavoidable and at times it’s not that bad. For me, the feeling has a silver line as it just made me realize that I want to have someone, who is truly mine in life…seems only then I’ll stop finding new definitions of solitude.

On Our Wedding Days...

This one is for my gang...It may not make sense to others...but still... These days my group is expanding. Some have already got married and some are about to get married. So compiling some thoughts and ideas about how each one of us would act on his/her wedding day...
Every shaadi related discussion has to start with Venky...That's the rule you see.

Venky...post shaadi..khana khate waqt.."amazing khana yaar...--- worth hai bey...seriously yaar"
Viju...in between vidhis...stops panditji and asks..." tumhi kuthe rahta? Dombivalila? are waah :) mi pan dombivalila rahto..." panditji n viju continue talking on Dombivali leaving the bride confused...n if the bride is also from Dombivali tab to shaadi ka vidhi raha bajume...
Akshay...in between vidhis..with his stylish cam clicks pics of bride...pandit and everyone.. relieving photographer from his duties...
Kau...vidhis going on n suddenly ppl find out that groom is missing...dhundanke baad pata chalta hai the groom is on terrace enjoying beautiful scenic view and totally engrossed in thinking...
Nadu...vidhis going on...groom is there and everything else is missing :D post shaadi khana khate waqt bride ko gulabjam khilane ki baari aayegi tab nadu pehle ek khud khayega..ek use khila dega, fir uske haath se ek khayega and bolega "Uncle...2 gulabjam aur chaiye..."
Mani...in between vidhis...trying hard to keep a smiling face and thinking...kitna time chalega ye sab???
Chatu...fullll enthu...almost hopping in feras with joy...n bichme hi moonwalk bhi kar lega
Arun...sab acche bacchoke tarah vidhi follow karega...bride ko green lantern ka ring dega...and in between vidhis mails ko reply bhi karega "...'Sent from my BlackBerry' likhke...
Ram...will be in casuals..straight from the football ground and post shaadi lunch me will be seen eating all by himself than offering a bite to reks...
Amol...panditji tells him to do something and pande does it wrong way...instantly he realizes the mistake and bites his tounge....turns to bride n says.."OMG..bhari tadpa re mai..."
Neeta...all 7 feras in a time period of 3.5 feras...fast forward me
Suman...shaadi ke bich me panditji mantra bol rahe hai and jaise hi camera dikha suman mantra chhodke camera me dekhke smile kar rahi hai...
Shalu...shaadi ke baad ka khana...sab log khana khatm karke uthne ke liye ready n shalu fir bhi dheere dheere khana khatm kar rahi hai...
Ami...vidhi ke bich me..phone pe.."...haa kya? kya pakaya?? accha sun mai tujhe baad me call karti hu..meri na shaadi ho rahi hai abhi..."
Dips...while taking feras...somebody cracks a joke...may be on the lines of "..wo virus ko bahar nikal (3 idiots)..." and dhadaaaaamm...dips haste haste nich baith gayee in between feras...
Reks...reks spots one of us clicking picks and says..." areyy sunn...kisiko cam de de na..aur tu bhi aa ja pic me.." she may actually tell this to the photographer as well :)
Averil...father asking averil.." Do u take ___ as your lawfully wedded husband?" and averil taking her time while playing with her strands....thinking..thinking..n still thinking...until the guy shows all symptoms of nervous attack...
Saru...panditji asking her to repeat some mantras after him and she saying.."nahi nahi...mi evadhech mhananar..." and then keeping quite...
And in the end its me...in between vidhis..panditji tries to wind up the procedure by skipping some vidhis...n I give a nasty look to the pandit indicating "..u better complete all the vidhis...varna..."

कहानी

हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...
किसी की नयी तो किसी की पुरानी होती है...

हर एक की जिन्दगी में वोह हसीं मोड़ आता है
जब कोई एक अपनोसे भी अपना बन जाता है
भीड़ मे भी उसका चेहरा सबसे पहले दिखाई देता है
शोर में उसका हर लब्ज साफ़ सुनाई देता है
उससे जुडी हर बात मुह जबानी होती है
हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...

पर हर कहानी की एक फिदरत होती है
अचानाक से वो कोई नया मोड़ ले लेती है
खुशियोभरे पल पीछे छूटने लगते है
मायूसीमे न जाने फिर कितने घंटे कटते है
अब उसके खयालोके साथ साथ बिछड़नेकी आहट होती है
हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है...

फिर दिन, महीने उसे याद करते बीत जाते है
अपनी कहानीकी किस्मत पर कभी आसू भी निकल आते है
पर आँसूओभरी कहानी तो अधूरी होती है
हसी ख़ुशी ख़त्म हो तो ही कहानी पुरी होती है
जिन्दगी में बस थोड़ी उम्मीद बढानी होती है...

हर किसीकी अपनी एक कहानी होती है
किसी की नयी तो किसी की पुरानी होती है...

Krishna Kaka-II

Some questions never come to your mind and one of those is ‘how does a man embracing death look like?’ Today I got the answer to this question which I never thought of. That person looks like Krishna kaka…Yes the same Krishna kaka about whom I wrote in my blog few months ago.

When Krishna kaka was diagnosed with cancer last year we all knew what was in store. But he decided to fight back. He has fought with this disease with utmost courage. But today he seemed vulnerable. His eyes have lost the shine which used to say a lot about his confidence. He is shifting his base to his native place where his wife is getting some job. He has accepted the fact that he is not going to live longer. In that case, his wife has to take care of household and their two children. This is one of those difficult moments when one has to choose between two equally important options. One option is to shift base to Kudal where his wife can start working. And the other is to stay in Mumbai for better treatment. He has chosen the 1st option which comes at the cost of his life. If he would have decided to stay in Mumbai for his treatment he would have foregone his family’s future financial security provisioning. And by choosing to shift to Kudal he has foregone his chances of living longer.

For the first time I feel like whatever I have learnt so far is so superficial. Having learnt about Game Theory (choosing the best possible option with minimum opportunity cost)in my favorite subject Economics, I always used to think if it applies in real life too…If everything comes with a ‘opportunity cost’(the cost of foregoing other option available). Now looking at Krishna kaka, I feel that the concept of opportunity cost couldn’t have been explained in a harder way than this.

If miracles do happen then I would like to see one in Krishna kaka’s case. But somewhere at the back of my mind I know that God is not going to fulfill this wish of mine…